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Maxim's 2014 Valentine's Day Gift Guide

This year, get the love of your life something that expresses how deeply you care for them. Or just get one of these stupid things!

Alex & Ani Bracelets, $28-$78 

For: The Girl Who Loves Her Initials


Your lady loves to get her monogram on. Letters on her bags, letters on her towels, letters on her letters (you know, like stationery). So this year, give her what she loves the most! Letters on her jewelry! Get your initials or hers (she will probably want hers) on an Alex and Ani charm bracelet. These bangles come in gold and silver and have a variety of charms—crystals, skeleton keys, hearts, and (you guessed it) initials! With prices ranging from $28 to $78, you could probably get her two! Check out their special Valentine’s Day Collection as well as the bracelets For Her, which work for any occasion.

Breaking Bad Gift Cards, $4
For: The Valentine Who Misses Breaking Bad Real Bad 

Breaking Bad may be over, but don’t tell your lady that, because she still longs for meth adventures with Walter, Jesse, and Saul. Cue these awesome cards from Etsy Shop Turtle’s Soup. Phrases like, “I Love Our Chemistry!” and “I Love You, Bitch!” have never been sweeter. Now all you need is some Blue Sky candy and you’re all set. Turtle’s Soup also has some pretty rad Ron Swanson cards, if Parks and Recreation is more her speed.

Nicholas Sparks Limited Edition Movie Collection, $69.97
For: The Girl Who Is Super Mad at You

Oh man, you must have done something really unforgivable if buying your girlfriend seven different versions of The Notebook is the only way to get yourself out of hot water. We kid, we kid – even we can’t resist a good love story – and if that story features Ryan Gosling’s pecs and an elderly lady with dementia, so much the better. This limited-edish gift set, released just in time for Valentine’s Day, includes seven movies based on the romantical novels of Nicholas Sparks, including: Safe Haven, The Lucky One, Dear John, Nights in Rodanthe, A Walk to Remember, Message in a Bottle, and The Notebook. It also comes with a postcard set of images from each film and a letter from Nicholas Sparks. Enjoy the long weekend, buddy.

Vibease, $79
For: The Girl Who Read 50 Shades of Grey in a Few Hours

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be sexy, and what’s sexier than a mini-vibrator controlled by your phone (uh, don’t answer that)? Enter Vibease - a discreet, wearable vibrator that, with the help of your smartphone, has the power to create a completely sensuous environment with the swipe of a finger. You know what we mean. Focusing on physical and mental stimulation, Vibease is guaranteed to give your lady exactly what she’s looking for. Maybe you can get some pointers.

Cirrus Fitness’ Collegiate and NBA-Branded Yoga Mats, $39.99
For: The Girl Who Only Does Downward Dog on Special Occasions

Do you want your girlfriend to display a greater interest in sports and look more like Jen Selter (above) – aka, the title-holder for Best Butt on Instagram? Then this Valentine’s Day, give her a yoga mat or stability ball from Cirrus Fitness, which recently announced a partnership with Jen, and which specializes in NCAA-licensed gear branded with the team colors and logos of more than 100 major universities (and all 30 NBA teams). Whether your girl went to a liberal arts college where the most popular sport is hackey sack or a Division 1 dynasty where football is a religion, now she can get in shape and flaunt her team spirit with unique products you won’t find at the campus bookstore.

Adidas Springblades, $180
For: The Girl Who Wants the Whole Gym to Know You're a Couple

These his and hers running shoes might look like something out of RoboCop, but they function way better than ED-209. The 16 angled blades help you push off into a stride and make running easier, which is great, because running is fucking hard. They also feature superior breathability, which is important because after wearing matching shoes in public for the entire world to see, you don’t want something as stupid as smelly feet to get in the way of the naughty-time you’ve very clearly earned.

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