Valentine’s Day is almost here and judging by the slick sheen of anxiety sweat covering your forehead and shins, you haven’t bought your significant other a single thing. Never fear! (Well, fear sometimes, like when a snake lays eggs in your esophagus.) We’ve got your covered with gift ideas for both guys and girls that are guaranteed to make your celebration of St. Valentine a success.
If you’ve been dating for one month...(Jump to: 6 Months | 1 Year | 5+ Years)
8-Bit Flower Bouquet
For the gaming girl in your life, consider this awesome spin on the traditional gift of roses. The 8-bit flower bouquet requires zero maintenance, and spruces up any video game lair, living room or solarium.
$14.99, Think Geek
Lovebot Temp Tattoo
Love is rarely everlasting, and luckily neither is this tattoo. Since you’ve been seeing one another for about a month, giving a girl something that could potentially last as long as your relationship thus far (especially if she’s not the showering type)—well, that’s cute, right? “And if the spark fades, so too will the love bot,” wrote William Shakespeare.
Chocolate Zombie Head Bon Bons
For anyone who’s ever watched friends or family or beloved Walking Dead characters get their brains munched on, this is sweet revenge! These cherry-filled chocolate zombie heads are for the passionate girl who prefers spilling blood and guts to whispering the saccharine nothings of chalky conversation hearts.
$9.99, Think Geek
We recommend blowing these balloons up before giving them to your relatively new gal pal. Because when we initially saw them in their un-blown form, at first they looked oddly phallic, then we thought they were ginger root bags. Then we actually read words and thought, “Oh, how nice.” Now, does anyone know where one can purchase a ginger root bag?
$4.50, Mingon Kitchen Co.
Valentine Scented Pens
This holiday, give her a box of chocolates with permanence, ink and no nutritional value. The scented pen comes in “candy hearts” and “box of chocolates” varieties, and is perfect for scratch-and-sniff fanatics who make tons of lists.
Cheeseburger Flash Drive
He’ll be the coolest tech geek on the block with this cheeseburger flash drive. It’s got 2 GB, comes in a tin container and has serious nom factor. Did we mention it’s the shape of a cheeseburger? We did? Good.
The worst part of anyone’s day is when, after consuming a plate of bacon, you have to brush the delicious taste out with your lame old Crest. But he can keep the flavor going all day long with this meat-tastic toothpaste. Yes, dental health and pork products are finally together, and it feels so completely natural.
$4.50, Archie McPhee
Thanks to one of these necktie napkins, he can gorge on crabs or ribs with reckless abandon at your next fancy dinner date. Much like its cousin, the tuxedo T-shirt, the necktie napkin tells the world that he’s classy, but also down to party…and his girlfriend reads Maxim.
If you've been dating for...