User menu

Main menu

Despite what the news tells you, there isn't enough sex in prime time... Just ask these insatiable ladies of the small screen.

10. Deputy Clementine, <i>Reno 911!</i>- If we're ever in Reno (the fictional Reno from the show, that is), we're going to commit a few petty crimes just to spend a little time with Nevada's horniest deputy. Every week, we delight in watching Deputy Clementine's fearlessness, bravery, and unending willingness to take things downtown. Plus, she has easy access to handcuffs. Spread 'em!

9.Mona, <i>Who's the Boss?</i>- This red-headed MILF of a MILF used every trick in the book to try and bed her manly nanny, Tony. He's one strong man, though, because that raspy voice and those colorful pantsuits would be too much for us to resist.

8. Nina, <i>Just Shoot Me!</i>- Just Shoot Me! was all but unwatchable, but if we had to pick one highlight—other than Laura San Giacomo's zeppelin-like breasts—it would be the slutty ex-supermodel, Nina. Sure, she probably looked like a tan leather handbag underneath those slinky little dresses, but we can't turn down a girl who feels comfortable in front of the camera…or in a seedy motel room, rented by the hour.

7. Samantha, <i>Sex and the City</i>- Out of the four slags who made up Sex and the City's promiscuous group, Samantha comes out head, shoulders, and exposed breasts above the rest. She had a sweet apartment, a good job, and the willingness to try just about any sleazy thing thrown at, or in, her. What's not to love? Oh, that's right—the soul-grinding personality.

6. Lori, <i>That '70s Show</i>- We always thought Eric Forman's slutty sister Lori would've made a great match for Wayne, the snotty older brother on The Wonder Years. They both came from working-class homes, lived in the suburbs, and loved nothing more than terrorizing their younger brothers. The only real difference is that Lori would hit the hay with anything in a leisure suit, while we have a good feeling Wayne spent a lot of his time in the bathroom with the bra page of the 1967 Sears catalog.

5. Sandra, <i>227</i>- While the other residents of that crappy apartment building sat on the stoop and bitched about their lives, 227's sassiest resident was busy gettin' bizzay. With her trademark flirtations and curvy hips, we would've gladly taken Sandra from 227 down the street to 69.

4. Kelly, <i>Married With Children</i>- With her leather jacket, acid-washed jeans, and bleach-blonde hair, Kelly Bundy showed the world that Madonna's slutifying of 18-year-old American girls was a very, very good thing. The only problem with watching her trot about with her never-ending line of biker boyfriends was that it evoked the terrifying feeling that we might, one day, have a trampy daughter of our own.

3. Meredith, <i>Grey's Anatomy</i>- She tries to pretend she's not a nympho, but we know that behind that professional doctor-like facade is a sex-crazed ball of orgasms ready to happen. In fact, the script we wrote and submitted to the network has her pulling patient after patient into the operating room and pumping away like a 400-pound man's heart after a few shots from the defibrillator.

2. Lois, <i>Family Guy</i>- Not a day goes by that we don't wonder how a slob like Peter Griffin locked down a stone-cold fox like Lois, but we don't resent him for it. Any lady who can keep house, prevent an evil baby from taking over the world, and doesn't mind lifting up a gut to get to the good stuff is marriage material in our book.

1. Blanche, <i>The Golden Girls</i>- When it comes to thinking about nymphomaniacs, we usually skip the geriatrics and head right for the grad students. But we always had to admire Blanche's willingness to take out her dentures and go to town on any male member of Miami's trendiest seniors. We give her bonus points for not letting Dorothy's witty one-liners or ample bulge discourage her.

TV's Best Nymphos