We wouldn't mind being more than Super Friends with all these ladies.
15. Jonni Future- Abilities: Space/time travel, deft at being both hero and damsel in distress in the same story
The niece of space-faring adventurer Johnny Future, Jonni inherited a fish-shaped spaceship, an inter-dimensional time portal, and a funky helmet that lets her understand all languages (but the sheer top that fails to harness her, um, other abilities is all her). She hangs out with a half-man, half-cheetah who's constantly trying to bone her. We hear you, brother.
13. Storm- Abilities: Makes the rain down in Af-ri-caaaa…
Before she became a superhero, Storm was worshipped as a goddess in her native Africa. So whether your tastes run toward the classic long-hair-and-cape Storm or the mid-'80s Mohawk-and-leather-gear Storm (we pass no judgments), she's that right mix of haughtiness and hotness. It would be like sleeping with your female boss. Just be prepared for a constant hailstorm in your living room should you ever break up with her.
11. X-23- Abilities: Claws in her hands and feet, enhanced senses, marketing gold mine
Most fans know that all Marvel has to do to sell a comic is slap Wolverine on the cover. Well somewhere along the line, someone got the idea: "Hey, what if there was a hot female Wolverine clone who worked as a vaguely underage prostitute?" Cynical marketing ploy? Absolutely. Fan boy Kryptonite? Without question. It's like the coolness of Wolverine mixed with that pervy "I shouldn't be into this" feeling you get when you watch Natalie Portman in The Professional. Perfecto!
9. Nancy Callahan- Abilities: Can strip for hours without taking a break
Even a walking Mack truck like Marv—who can shrug off getting shot, stabbed, run over, and nearly drowned—gets weak in the knees when he's around Nancy. Her hotness is so powerful, it's only when she's onstage that the residents of Sin City stop killing each other. Once again, our belief that world peace is only attainable through the widespread availability of assless chaps is proven. Hey, Bono, you need to
12. Vampirella- Abilities: Blood-sucking, can turn into a bat, can sprout wings
Unless you live in West Hollywood, you probably don't run into many space vampires in knee-high boots. Although Vampirella has been a comic book sex icon for years, there's a terrifyingly skanky freakiness about her that tells you that you'd wake up the next morning tied to a pentagram-shaped bed covered in candle wax and goat's blood. Once in a while? Sure. But not every day.
5. Witchblade- Abilities: Supernatural armor with mystical weapons, extensive clothing budget
The Witchblade is a magical artifact that a) can only bond with women and b) has to remove all of the host's clothing in order to function properly. Exactly. Not the best argument against the predominance of men in comic book writing jobs. Many have worn the 'Blade, but none have looked hotter than former NYPD homicide cop Sara Pezzini. A sassy Italian New Yorker whose pasties and G-string can harness ancient power? We're going without a fight, ma'am.
8. She-Hulk- Abilities: Superstrength, litigation
She-Hulk is a statuesque beauty with brains to match. So as long as you don't mind her opening the door for you, you've got yourself one hot fantasy object. It would be like sleeping with Chyna if she were a woman. Plus, as a lawyer by day and superhero by, um, working lunch, She-Hulk isn't all "Hulk Smash!" like her idiot cousin. And there's no better conversation starter than, "Hey, dudes, once you go green…"
1. Wonder Woman- Abilities: Superstrength, flight, star-spangled panties
C'mon, this one's a no-brainer. From the red go-go boots to the patriotic underwear to the armor that both lifts and separates, she is perfection. Wonder Woman commands much respect, even from Superman and Batman (although they're totally afraid to touch her golden "lasso of truth" for fear one of them would uncontrollably blurt out "threesome!"). You've got to give it up for the OG of comic book hotties.
4. Shanna the She-Devil- Abilities: Jungle love (oh-e-oh-e-oh)
If you took the Tarzan story and replaced the small English child lost in the jungle with Pamela Anderson, you'd get the gravity-defying awesomeness of Shanna. She doesn't understand your advanced, city-dwelling ways, stranger. She was raised in an untouched jungle paradise. What's that? It's customary for women in your world to instantly disrobe when they meet men? OK…if you say so, outsider. Could you hold this spear?
2. Emma Frost- Abilities: Can read your mind. And, no, she's not going to bend over and pick that up
Icy, bitchy Emma doesn't so much wear a costume as let a few cocktail napkins stick to her body wherever they happen to land. She's stuck-up, condescending, and knows everything you're thinking—stick a riding crop in her hand and you'll be screaming, "Thank you, ma'am, may I have another?" in no time. Any wonder why she's also known as "the White Queen"?
14. Zatanna- Abilities: Magic! (cue thunder crash, doves, and Doug Henning–style rainbows)
Dressed like the house magician at a brothel, the top hat-and-fishnet-clad Zatanna really blurs that line between "superhero costume" and "role-playing fetish wear." Her thing is that anything she says backward comes to pass, so: "sretcarahc neM-X fo egdelwonk cidepolcycne na htiw nem denniks-ytsap rof erised elbaitasni na evah uoY."
10. Power Girl- Abilities: Superstrength, flight, overpowering distraction techniques. Two big, round, firm distraction techniques
Power Girl's origin is more convoluted than Desmond's story line on Lost. So just know that she's kind of like Supergirl; but instead of a big red "S" on her chest, she has a gaping hole where her breasts hang out. Mix that with the whole damaged, lost soul thing she has going on and you know that if she didn't have superpowers she'd be in a Vegas hotel room with Rocco Siffredi right now.
6. Caitlin Fairchild- Abilities: Superstrength, endurance, flimsy costume
Caitlin Fairchild was a meek little computer nerd, who, one fine day, turned into a tall drink of whoop-ass. Unlike a lot of the heroines on this list, though, Fairchild at least has the decency to wear comicdom's most poorly constructed costume—we swear we caught one issue of Gen 13 where her uniform shredded as she opened a car door. God bless her for that.
7. Lois Lane- Abilities: Typing, getting captured
Sometimes you don't need heat vision or magic powers, you just need a nice, normal workingwoman. Lois is like that career woman who has sacrificed a personal life for the sake of her job; but you know there's a leather corset somewhere underneath all those neatly pressed suits. So what if her on-again, off-again, possible husband is Superman? You've got so much more to offer—you have a one-bedroom apartment with no roommates!
3. Black Cat- Abilities: Bad luck powers, able to ignore existence of guy's wife, girlfriend
For a guy who complains about his life sucking, Peter Parker scores some seriously A-list tail (literally). His wife is a supermodel (wah!), and he's constantly fighting off the advances of an impossibly hot former burglar whose catsuit can barely contain her heaving womanhood (boo fucking hoo). If you find yourself arguing that Black Cat is nothing more than a cheap Catwoman rip-off, however, you may be beyond our help.