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DIY: Fat Tuesday

Can’t make it to NOLA? No problem—you can get the experience in your own home!


Photo: Cheryl Gerber / Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

 

1. Wake up earlier than you ever would for work. Wait for the mailman all day while standing on your front porch yelling, “Throw me something!” Flash your man boobs, then get hit in the head with a stack of junk mail. Repeat for at least two days running.
 

2. Drink a gallon of so-sweet-it-hurts-your-head punch. Wait until you feel like you’re going to pee your pants, then spin head-down on a baseball bat
until you think you’re going to vomit. Then do both in your mailbox.
 

3. March around your neighborhood blasting Dixieland jazz music from a boom box and pretending you actually like it. When somebody starts complaining about the noise, throw beads at them.
 

4. Recycle all the leftover ounces in the bottoms of all the bottles lying around your house into a one-gallon orange juice bottle. Mix with Gatorade, replace cap on bottle, shake vigorously, and clip to belt loop for easy access. Swig from the jug frequently while yelling at streetlamps.
 

5. To really simulate the carnival atmosphere, invite all your friends over and nail the bathroom door shut. Every time you need to pee, pull out a plastic umbrella bag (essential for high-volume urinating in a crowd), pee into it while begging them to stop taking photos, then tie a knot in the end when done and discard like a goldfish from the county fair.