1. Look the part.
Take your wardrobe over the top by wearing every piece of warmup gear you can. The standard look also includes facial hair, thanks to benchwarming poster boy Adam Morrison.
2. Become a fan favorite.
Pair your look with an eccentric personality. Any will do the trick, but my favorite is the Celtics’ Brian Scalabrine, who fully embraces his role as the human victory cigar.
3. Act like you’re having the time of your life.
Make fans jealous that they can’t be sitting on the bench with you. Wave a towel after routine plays. Go crazy on dunks. See: entire Cavs bench (LeBron era).
4. Disguise your apathy.
When you’re on a bad team and still don’t play, it’s hard to care about every game. But take a page from Eddy Curry’s playbook and cover your mouth so your coach can’t tell you’re laughing.
5. Seek out the superstar.
This is critical, because it’ll get you on TV. Be like Josh Powell, who spent the past few years giving Kobe a bro-hug before every tipoff. Whatever it takes!
clFollow Mark Titus at clubtrillion.com.