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How To: Body Slam and Demoralize Your Foes

Don't sit there for one minute and act like your Saturday afternoon activities when you were 10-years old didn't include trying to perfect your Razor's Edge finishing maneuver on your little brother or climbing atop your bed and smashing your elbow down on some pillows Macho Man-esque. That's right, Superfly—now you're stuck behind some desk trying to get those TPS reports out the door ASAP. No worries, however. With Mickey Rourke stepping into the ring as retired wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson in The Wrestler, we enlisted the service of one John Cena, four-time WWE champion, for some high-flying tips on (correctly) pulling off one of wrestling's more basic maneuvers: the body slam.
Size Matters
“You’ve got to size up the person you’re trying to slam,” growls the 6'1", 240-pound Cena, who's getting ready to fight crime in the upcoming cop film 12 Rounds. “If you’re a smaller guy, the slam isn’t gonna have as much impact. The stronger you are, the harder you can slam the guy. So the short and weak need not apply.” Unless, of course, you’re wrestling midgets.

Fight Dirty
“I suggest raking the eyes, kicking the nuts, and driving your opponent into inanimate objects. Once he’s dazed, throw your left hand behind his neck and your right hand between his legs, right under his family basket.” Firmly grip his neck and butt, then squat down and heave upward, rotating him so his thigh ends up on your right shoulder—and he’s facing the mat in terror.

Just Drop It
Now for the fun part. “The best way to slam him is to take the hand that’s around his neck and jerk it down. At the same time, give his breadbasket a good squeeze to let him know you’re there, and push him toward the ground.” The combo of pulling down on his neck and shoving his crotch will flip him over onto his back, where, like a good Tri-Delt, he belongs.

Slam Dance
“Once you’ve dropped him, you can do a number of things. If you’re in a match, you’ll want to go for a pin. But if you’re in a street fight, just start talkin’ crap. Tell him you’re the man. You can also insert your own end-zone dance. Bust out the Ickey Shuffle or the You Can’t See Me.*” As you cut the rug, though, don’t forget that you still have to explain away that pesky boner. *This is Cena’s signature gesture, in which he waves a hand in front of his opponent’s face and yells, “You can’t see me!”