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How to Dress Up a Pig in a Blanket


Sick of crappy wedding wienies made by dolts like the Party Down catering crew? Thought so. Here’s how to bolster those banquet hall gut bombs.



1. Put away your wiener. Buy up some precooked spicy sausage and a hunk of melt-friendly cheese. We’re partial to andouille and Gruyère, because we all fancy and shit. Brats and cheddar will make your mouth just as happy.



2. Open eight-count can of Pillsbury Southern Style Grands. (Classy!) Separate so you have 24 slices. Place chunks of meat and cheese on the dough, roll, then pinch to seal. Next, throw away the can and claim you made them from scratch.



3. Place your mini-meat joints on a Pam’ed cookie sheet. Bake at 400°F for eight minutes. Remove and realize you just made catering appetizers for yet another dinner alone. Muscle through tears; devour. Wash down with Warsteiner Dunkel beer.