|Paper towel roll
1. Dig a paper towel roll out of the trash and wrap up the end nice and tight with duct tape. It’s like you’re in elementary school all over again, but with bigger hands and more dastardly intentions!
2. Using a sharp pair of scissors, poke a small hole in the center of the tape. Don’t make it too wide or you won’t get a good seal on the grill lighter (and you need a tight fit to hold the gas inside).
3. Gently pop the end of the grill lighter through the hole in the tape, dead center, then slide ’er inside until the plastic base backs right up against the tape. (What, we can’t say “slide ’er inside”?)
4. Spray the hair spray (we know you still use it) into the tube for two full seconds to ready the fuel. Try not to soak the cardboard—the goal is to have some free gas floating around in there.
5. Quickly drop the Ping-Pong ball into your flimsy gun (it should just barely fit) and point it away from anything alive, except for that exotic plant your girlfriend always loved more than you.
6. Hold down the safety on the grill lighter and pull the trigger to fire off the Ping-Pong ball. It may take a few clicks because there isn’t too much oxygen inside the tube to fuel the flame, but once she sparks, that tiny spherical projectile will rocket out faster than you’d ever be able to spike it with a paddle (and with a fiery burst that’s far more intimidating than your Roger Federer overhand).