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How to Prepare a Pig


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Why spend a whole day slow-cooking a hog? Because at the end of this pork rainbow, there’s a mountain of the most succulent pig meat you’ll ever eat. (Plus, this 10-hour cook-a-thon involves stacking cinder blocks, torching a fire pit, and guzzling beer.) To guide you, we consulted Donald Link­—named a Best Chef in 2007 by the James Beard Foundation­—whose New Orleans eatery Herbsaint is renowned for its mastery of all things swine-sational. Let the pig roasting begin!

Supplies
• 30 or so cinder blocks
• Heavy-duty aluminum foil
• 25 lbs. of charcoal
• Lighter fluid
• 2 big oven racks
• Heavy-gauge wire
• Swine lust

Ingredients
• Zests of 15 oranges
• 2 cups thyme
• 20 jalapenos
• 1 cup lemon juice
• 2 cups salt
• 1/2 cup black pepper
• 25 garlic cloves
• 1 cup olive oil

Score Some Swine
Forget that 900-pound hogzilla and instead order a 30-pound suckling pig. “It will feed 15 and achieve the biggest flavor,” says Link. Be sure it’s dressed, cleaned, and split to avoid the trauma of doing it yourself.

Marinate Your Meat
Purée ingredients in a blender, except the salt and pepper, which you add after it’s liquefied. Now slather the green goo on the pig, stab it several times, and squirt a baster of marinade in each hole. Hey, you’re getting aroused, aren’t you?

Prep Your Pit
Over soil (or your wife’s rose garden), arrange the cinder blocks in a rectangle stacked two blocks high. Next, line the pit’s cavity with two layers of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Fold the foil over the wall and stack a third layer of cinder blocks on top to secure the foil in place. Stand back and admire your hillbilly hot box.

Fire It Up
Pile 25 pounds of charcoal in the center of the pit, douse with lighter fluid, then torch that sucker. Let the coals burn until they’re white-hot. “The main goal is to get a nice even temperature of between 275 and 300 degrees,” says Link. Actually, the main goal is to eat so much pork that you sprout cloven hooves.

Scorch and Serve
Press the pig between the racks and secure with wire. Now place it two feet above the coals and flip the rack once every hour, says Link. The unctuous oinker should take 10 hours to cook. Once done, serve on rolls with spicy slaw and BBQ sauce. And don’t forget to throw Porky’s head on your neighbor’s lawn!