User menu

Main menu

How to Talk to Your Grandma About Shirley Temple's Death

This won't be easy for the old gal, so please follow these five simple steps.


Photo: Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014

Life isn't easy for your grandma. She has no idea what an "iPad" or a "tweet" is, let alone a "Kardashian." Now, we learn that legendary Depression-era child actress Shirley Temple has passed away at the age of 85. But not to worry; we're here with a fool-proof plan to keep your sweet old nana from soiling her Depends.


Step One: Familiarize yourself with Shirley Temple.
We recommend studying her Wikipedia page and then watching her perform the unbearably cute ditty "Animal Crackers in My Soup" from the 1935 film Curly Top.
 



Step Two: Call your grandma.
Or, more accurately, call the nursing home where your parents have stuck her.

Step Three: Tell her some good news first.
Let her know that the super hunky Mickey Rooney is still alive and kicking at 93! (Yes, his official website actually points out that he's "living" and, just to be sure, "breathing.")

Step Four: Drop the bomb on her.
Go slowly. Make sure not to say, "She was 85 years old, Grandma, it was her time." This fact is of little comfort to an 86 year old.

Step Five: Let the healing begin.
Tell her you're looking forward to visiting her at Shady Grove Pines next time you're in Boca.*

*You don't actually have to do this.