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Whack Mail: How to Be a Goomba, According to EA

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For every 33 boxes of edible worms and Timbaland compilation albums, we get a worthwhile addition to our pile of talking action figures and rinky-dinks. With the release of their Godfather II game, the consiglieres over at EA Games sent us a swag package filled with all of the essential items necessary to become a successful member of "The Family." Unfortunately, this included something that our local NY law enforcement people would consider criminal possession of a weapon in the fourth degree, or a class A misdemeanor. Can you spot the culprit?

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Answer: It's those pesky little metal knuckles. Going for the jugular, EA felt the need to forgo the shiny plastic trinkets route and splurge on some real heavy heavy. Oh, by the way, the possession of brass knuckles can carry up to a one-year maximum prison sentence, so please excuse us for not running home with them to show off.

Nevertheless, the complete package is pretty sound: a Cuban cigar for "smokin' and enjoyment," papers for "getting around," a handkerchief for "wiping off your dirty prints," loaded dice "for winnin'," garrote wire "for chokin' instead of punchin'," and matches "for buildings you see & don't like." Even better: the fake naturalization papers, complete with one of our editor's Facebook photos, are so convincing, he won't have to be deported. Everybody wins!

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The Godfather II is now available on Xbox 360, PS3, and PC.