tourist_attractions_libertyBell.jpgLiberty Bell
Skip It: There are numerous reasons to visit Philly—eat a delicious cheese steak, make like Rocky and run the steps of the Art Museum, or just kick back and enjoy all the brotherly love. However, the small and disappointing Liberty Bell, despite its patriotic significance, is not one of those reasons.

Make it a must see: Turn it into a gong.


tourist_attractions_plymouthRock.jpg

Plymouth Rock
Skip It: Tourists visiting Plymouth, Massachusetts are rewarded with two things: A glimpse at the ridiculously small hunk of granite our ancestors supposedly first stepped on and a seizure from enduring the locals' grating south shore accent.

Make it a must see: Replace the rock with the Pilgrims' far superior discovery, a honey glazed turkey, then serve that cooked up bird to famished, road-tripping tourists.
tourist_attractions_niagraFalls.jpgNiagara Falls
Skip it: Unless you're watching a barrel-boating human plunge over the rapids, these disappointingly low falls and the surrounding seedy town aren't worth your time.

Make it a must see: If your friends are razzing you for not getting laid in a long time, just tell them about the lovely lady you met at Niagara Falls. As in, "It's cool guys, I did it. Her name? Nah, you don't know her. We met at Niagara Falls. Anyway, moving along, you can stop making fun of me now, cause like I totally did it. Glad we cleared that up."

tourist_attractions_spaceNeedle.jpgSeattle Space Needle
Skip it: It's a tower! No, a needle! It's a Space Needle! Actually, the kitschy Seattle Space Needle looks like Hannah-Barbara conjured it up when they were creating the Jetsons, only to inevitably throw out the shitty idea. Tourists who ascend the Needle's 500+ feet are rewarded with a cheesy rotating restaurant and a…wait for it, wait for it, gift shop!

Make it a must see: Turn it into an actual space rocket and launch the sucker to a galaxy far, far away from Seattle.


tourist_attractions_southoftheBorder.jpgSouth of the Border
Skip it: After driving past a slew of billboards counting down the miles to mega roadside pit stop South of The Boarder, tourists are greeted by a cluster of gift shops, shitty restaurants, fireworks vendors, a porn retailer and countless pictures of the joint's stereotypical Mexican mascot. If this kitsch overload weren't enough, calorie satiated tourists have to get back on the road and drive through the rest of South Carolina.

Make it a must see: Change South Carolina's way too conservative prostitution laws and turn this bad boy into a brothel.


tourist_attractions_mtrushmore.jpgMt. Rushmore
Skip it: It's just a bunch of statues. Need another reason? It's in South Dakota. Another? There is still one more space on the rock face. Leading contender at the moment: Ronald Reagan. No, really.

Make it a must see: Put it in any other state that isn't South Dakota and maybe we'd consider going.