Becoming a pop is a big deal, but before you start handing out cigars—or heading for the witness relocation program—take a moment to consider the positive and negative aspects of expanding your family tree.

Financially
+ A new baby means a big tax break for you when April comes around.
– Everything involved with having a baby is ridiculously expensive. The price of shirts you'll lose to spit-up stains alone could quickly approach the hundreds. And in some places, day care can cost more than your rent. (Seriously, expect to pay anywhere from $100 all the way up to $500 a week in some bigger cities.)

Socially
+ If no one's around to hang out with, the baby will always be there; and it'll be too young to make fun of how shitty you are at Counterstrike.
– You won't have to give up your all-night group beer tastings altogether, but you can bet that they'll happen with a lot less frequency. On nights where you used to throw your Timex into a fishbowl at a watch party, you might find yourself taking it off so you don't get, ahem, poopy on it.

Sex
+ The first couple of months are great. She's hornier than ever, and her body becomes more accommodating (read: swollen and slippery) with every passing day.
– That is, until the day when the wheels fall off of the sex machine and you're left to your own devices. Or some kind of rubber device you bought at that store with no windows over by the airport.

Your relationship with your own parents
+ Chances are you made them extremely happy by reproducing, and they, in return, have offered up their babysitting services. Plus, they probably won't mind spending some of their sweet 401(k) dough on bibs and diapers and all that other crap you can't really afford.
– Now that the little bugger lives with you, they're going to want to see it, which means both sets of grandparents will be dropping in with much greater frequency.

Toys
+ If it's a boy, you'll have every reason in the world to blow a bunch of money on squirt guns, action figures, and everything at the store that's made from whatever the hell Nerf stuff is made of.
– If it's a girl, expect to get really familiar with Barbie and the contents of her incredibly expensive Dream House.

Chicks
+ If you and mommy don't get along so well anymore, taking Jr. to the park when you're in charge of him is the best way to start a conversation with an attractive lady short of pulling her from a burning building.
– If you're the kind of sucker that believes in that committed-relationship malarkey, be prepared to spend a lot of time talking to really cute girls you'll never sleep with.

Naming
+ Naming your child is a chance to honor your family by picking a name that's deeply rooted in tradition. Or you can go the other way and give your kid the kind of name you wish your parents had given you, like Xavier or Chewbacca.
– Even if you pick the best name in the world, she's going to hate it. Chances are you'll have to do everything you can just to prevent your newborn child from being named Shiloh. If she lets you pick the middle name, consider yourself lucky.

The blood tests are in and it's your baby! Now check out Maxim's guide to fatherhood.