America's Toughest Cities

10. Milwaukee Wisconsin

America’s thirstiest city thrives despite the worst diet of any top-10 place. Only 22 percent of cheeseheads here eat their recommended daily servings of fruits and vegetables. Adding to the toughness are overwhelmingly gray skies and a high incidence of "ladies" who smoke. Their problem and the solution? Beer.

9. Fort Worth Texas

You know a city is hard when you can walk down a block and not see a Starbucks. The tough side of the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex has the fewest Starbucks per square mile of cities on this list. This model of urban sprawl also has the highest concentration of Trans Ams on the road. A coincidence? Shut up and sit down.

8. Columbus Ohio

In future Ohio State promo brochures, boosters can cite Maxim’s research: Columbus offers the highest concentration of cheap hotel rooms on this list and offers nonstop gloomy weather—183 cloudy days a year! So, kids, there’s no need to fork out big bucks for off-campus sex or fumble for sunglasses when the hangover hits.

7. San Diego California

Why the hell is this SoCal sweet spot on this list? Tough performances in three categories—tattoo parlors (one for every 13,600 residents), kung fu studios (one for every 104,600) and Marine enlistments (404 locals served in 2005). Were its name not German for a whale’s vagina, the triangle of tough would have made our top five.

6. Seattle Washington

How do locals offset the untoughness of the city’s minted Microsoft class? By strengthening their kung fu at one of the city’s dedicated studios—there’s one for every 64,000 residents—and by suffering heartache whenever their sports teams take the field. It’s a town so tough even the sun is afraid to show up every summer.