Despite playing perpetual bridesmaid to air guitar legend C-Diddy, former New York City champion and star of the hilariously awesome documentary Air Guitar Nation Dan Crane (a.k.a. Björn Türoque) has become the art form's unrivaled ambassador. Taking a break from moving into his new L.A. digs, Crane regaled Maxim on everything from epic thrash sessions to invisible groupie sex.   

Are the movers helping you unpack all your air guitars?
Yeah, there are just so many boxes for those, so…

Tough getting them all onto a plane, huh?
Yeah, when you travel they definitely give you a hard time at security. They're like, "Um…what the hell is that?" "My air guitar, man."

OK, let's get serious for a minute. How many imaginary groupies have you fucked?
Countless… The issue there is you end up getting a lot of IVDs: invisible venereal diseases. They can be fatal, so I'm trying to just live every day as it comes.

How did you get into competitive air guitar?
In 2003, when the first competition was held in New York. It was at the Pussycat Lounge, a total crap hole. Everyone thought no one would come, but Howard Stern started talking about it, and on competition night the place was just packed. The room was full of photographers and journalists, so it was pretty hilarious.  

Björn Türoque is a pretty awesome stage name. How did you come up with that?
I had some help from my now-ex-girlfriend. She suggested the wordplay of Björn and Türoque, but her spelling was quite different. The French last name is a tip of the hat to this fake French band I play in called Nous Non Plus.  And of course you must add the umlaut—anyone worth his weight in rock'n'roll has to.

How fierce are the competitions?
It's shocking how seriously people take them, including me. You start by thinking, This is ridiculous, I'm just here to make an ass of myself and have a good time. Which you are. But once you get onstage you realize, I'm going to be on CNN representing the United States in the World Air Guitar Championship. All right, maybe I kind of want to win this. The stakes get high, even though the prize is a guitar that you probably don't know how to play.

Have you ever smashed your guitar into an amp after thrashing a wicked set?
Yeah, but it's kind of cliché, because there are certain go-to moves in air guitar, one of them being smashing your guitar, lighting it on fire, and throwing it up in the air and catching it. So when you do something like that, you really have to bring it to the next level. Maybe you throw it up in the air, and shoot it with a gun, and it breaks up into a million pieces, and you pick them all up and you reassemble them. Then you start playing your guitar again...

OK, stop. Have you ever sustained an air guitar injury?
I have. We were doing airaoke to promote Air Guitar Nation in Traverse City, Michigan. Later on, I find myself drunk in a bar on C-Diddy's shoulders, and while trying to get down at the end of the solo for "Good Times, Bad Times" by Led Zeppelin, I fell six feet straight down into my hand. I was pretty sure I'd broken it, but I only sustained some minor cuts and bruises. We did have a guy on the tour this year break both legs jumping from the drum riser to the stage. We hope he is better.

What's your favorite song to jam to?
For pure jamming, the best song is the nine-minute live version of "Free Bird." We closed all the competitions with that this year, and we'd invite everyone onstage to play it. It was this cathartic, aerobic mass orgy that was really amazing. But as far as competition goes, the song I was most successful with is called "Set Me Free" by the band Sweet. They were most famous for "Ballroom Blitz."

How many hours a day do you practice on the air guitar?
Before a competition I like to give myself at least an hour and a half a day; 30 minutes of that is deep-breathing exercises. I usually spend the other hour flailing around in my living room in my underwear.