Best Criminal Training Ground
Grand Theft Auto IV

Apologies to a certain Dr. Jones from Indiana, but the next release in the wildly popular GTA series just might be the biggest blockbuster gaming sequel of 2008. Technically, this is the sixth installment of the cars-and-robbers-and-hookers franchise that’s left anindelible skidmark on pop culture (selling 65 million copies and making it into a Chappelle’s Show skit), and calling the game “hotly anticipated” would be an Escalade-size understatement. When the release date was pushed from this past October to early spring, even mighty Sony winced, having counted on the anticipated game to propel Christmas sales of its PlayStation 3 console.

Insiders who have played GTA IV stress that it takes full, retina-popping advantage of the capabilities of the next-gen systems. Our new antihero is Niko Bellic, an Eastern European killer, human trafficker, and all around hardboiled gangster. Reinforcing the idea that games have stepped out from Hollywood’s shadow, this is the first GTA that doesn’t borrow from movies such as Scarface or Menace II Society. Instead, it’s an original, cinematic tale about a guy who has just arrived in an urbanscape that looks an awful lot like the boroughs of New York City (minus Staten Island, of course) to start a new life in the Western world. Fortunately for Rated M–loving gamers, his new life involves using the spacious, body-size trunk of his car for various different missions.

Rockstar’s stated goal is to redefine the genre they defined with Grand Theft Auto III. And as the old saying goes, you can’t redefine a genre without breaking a few heads. And maybe a few sales records along the way.
—Patrick Carone

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Next Hot Jessica
The Guess Girl

As the new, 2008 face (and body) of Guess, Jessica Hart is set to cross over into the elite sorority of supermodels. The lava-hot Aussie import follows on the stilettos of Claudia Schiffer, Adriana Lima, and Alessandra Ambrosio, who all became household lust objects after starring in the brand’s ads. The beguiling blonde is also steaming up ads for Esprit and lingerie label Triumph. Finally, a Hart attack we can look forward to.
—Chris Wilson

Best Up In Smoke Redux
Pineapple Express
Seth Rogen takes us behind the scenes of next summer’s action-buddy-stoner comedy.

The buzz on this is extreme. You wrote and Starred: Just what is Pineapple Express?
A special, rare kind of weed. The movie is about a process server named Dale who likes to get high. One night he sees a cop and a drug kingpin kill somebody. He freaks out, throws his bud out the car window and drives off. The bad guys track the Pineapple Express to a drug dealer, so Dale and the drug dealer spend the rest of the movie running. It’s an action-comedy/buddy-weed story.

Have any good stories to share from your years of “research”?
There are so many. Smoking out of the fishbowl in Knocked Up is based on something we used to do back in high school. If you look really closely on the Knocked Up DVD, there’s an actual photo of me at 14 years old smoking weed with a bowl on my head.

Did your parents ever bust you?
The last day of eighth grade, they caught me with an ounce of mushrooms. I got in trouble, but it was kind of good, because when they’d catch me with weed, they wouldn’t get mad. They were like, “Fuck it, it’s not mushrooms.”

Judd Apatow hatched the idea for this movie in 2000. What took so long?
We had to wait until our filth came into popularity again. They used to make fun, R-rated action comedies in the ’80s, like Die Hard or Stake Out, but for some reason they stopped.

Are you prepared for the angry parents of kids who sneak into this movie?
I am ready, although I feel like not many will look at our characters and say, “I want to be like those guys.” We’re not glorifying weed, though weed is smoked in almost every scene.

Do you have a favorite marijuana term?
“Sweet Cheeba” is good, from Tone Loc’s song “Cheeba Cheeba.” Our director calls weed the “Devil’s Lettuce.” I think it’s gonna catch on.

If you had your own brand of weed, what would it be called?
Seth Skunk.

Best Rebound
USA Hoops

“We’re all superstars on our individual teams,” says Phoenix Suns center and USA Basket­ball player Amaré Stoudemire. “But we’ve been committed to this thing for three years, so we’ve definitely learned how to actually play as a team.”

And just what could make Stoudemire, Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and other NBA megastars on the USA 2008 roster actually learn to actually pass the ball? Oh, yeah, memories of 2004, when the slapped-together Dream Team’s shellacking from fundamentals-strong Argentina resulted in an embarrassing bronze-medal performance. Thus mortified, it’s been back to school for the American pros as they go for the gold. “To collaborate, we have to step back,” says Stoudemire. “This is the group. We’re totally prepared this time.”

Stoudemire even has the competition already scouted for next summer: “Argentina and Greece are good, but watch out for China...They might surprise people.” Here’s hoping the Dream Team surprises us, too—in a good way.
—Jeff Foss