Most Poignant Obituary
The TV Antenna

The TV Antenna, 81, died across America, as superstores ceased selling analog sets in favor of all-digital sets.

The TV Antenna was sired by German physicist Heinrich Rudolph Hertz, whose pioneering work in the field of dipole (rabbit ear) antennas paved the way for modern radio and TV broadcasting. When television’s popularity soared after World War II, the Antenna worked to beam Leave It to Beaver, My Three Sons, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, and other shows not featuring black people into American living rooms. Never perfect, the Antenna’s unreliability peaked during crucial postseason sporting events.

For parents who didn’t wear belts, the Antenna also doubled as a childhood disciplinary tool. The Antenna received its death sentence when Vice President Dick Cheney cut short a trip to cast the deciding vote over a Senate spending bill in December 2005. The move was a way to free up radio frequencies to be auctioned off for future broadband use. In its redundancy, the TV Antenna is survived by the VCR, land lines, and the fax machine.
—Sam Barclay
Loudest Feuds
Eye for Eye Tunes
After the Kanye vs. 50 Cent feud/gimmick, 2008 will be the year of the artist face-off.

Shania Twain vs. Eminem
Shania Twain: Though Canadian, the best-selling female country singer of all time was the first country video vixen.
Eminem: Despite being Caucasian, he could rap an expletive-filled casserole recipe and go both shirtless and multiplatinum.
Settled by: Whose new videos will be banned in more Muslim countries?
Stakes: If Shania loses, lap dances for D12. If Em loses, he sings “Man! I Feel Like a Woman.”

Matisyahu vs. The Streets
Matisyahu: Oy, vey, it’s a Jewish dude with a shaggy beard who sings reggae and doesn’t really suck!
The Streets: Oi, it’s an English dude with a funny accent who likes to rap and doesn’t really suck!
Settled by: Which disc’s Pitchfork Media review will say “transcendent and sound-shifting”?
Stakes: Loser’s next tour consists solely of gigs playing square dances in the Midwest.

Cher vs. Madonna
Cher: The 61-year-old pop icon-actress, known for marrying Sonny Bono and wearing scandalous costumes, returns.
Madonna: The49-year-old pop chameleon-actress, known for boning every­body, hits the dance floor.
Settled by: Who will inspire more drag-impersonator “tributes”?
Stakes: Loser has to quit the music biz. Really, you must retire. This is nonnegotiable.

Ultimate Overcompensation
2008 Lamborghini Reventon
The mere 20 Reventons that will be lovingly hand-built in Sant’Agata Bolognese, Italy, have all been purchased—at $1.4 million a pop—before even coming off the line. Here’s what you’re missing.

By Lamborghini tradition, the car is named for a famous fighting bull. Reventon was a mauler that killed a toreador in 1943.

Carbon fins attached to aluminum wheel spokes create the effect of spinning jet turbines when moving.

G-Force-Meter tells drivers just how close they’re coming to the Danger Zone as the car carves through S-turns.

Even the gas cap, milled from a solid block of aluminum, is a work of art. And far more functional than an old rag.

The midmounted V-12 engine produces 650 hp at 8,000 rpm. What’s this mean? It has a top speed of 211 mph and goes 0–62 mph in 3.4 seconds. And since it’s on display under a ventilated glass laminate cover, the engine also drops jaws when you park in the 7-Eleven lot.

Heaviest Metal
Iron Man

Just how did America react to its first glimpse of Robert Downey Jr. going superhero in Iron Man? Ask director, Jon Favreau: “The conversation in the general public has gone from, ‘Is it a movie about that triathlon?’ to, ‘My God, I just saw the trailer for Iron Man! When is the movie coming out?’” (It debuts May 2, actually.)

Credit Downey’s offbeat portrayal of man-in-a-can Tony Stark, who, in the Marvel comic book, is a prodigy, a playboy, a titan of industry, and an alcoholic—all at the same time. Any of that sound familiar? “Robert is a guy who has had a lot of ups and downs in his life,” says Favreau, who considered casting an unknown in the role. “He brings an experience to the character that you wouldn’t find with someone discovered waiting tables at a Stuckey’s.”

Indeed, one might suspect the studio would desire a bigger star than Downey, given Iron Man’s status as a second-tier superhero who never cracked the public consciousness like Spider-Man. But judging from the trailer, rock ’em, sock ’em action may be the real draw for the audience. “The fan reaction is usually unfettered enthusiasm followed by a threat,” says Favreau. “They say, ‘This looks fantastic. Now don’t screw it up.’”
—Adam Winer

Best Comedy Countdown
Conan O'Brien
Conan will replace Leno as The Tonight Show host in 2009. Making 2008 the year to watch Conan in all his postmidnight, scorched-earth, nobody-is-watching-anyway glory.

Now that Maxim predicts you’ll be one of the best things about 2008, how do you plan to keep from crumbling under the pressure?
I plan to not only crumble under the pressure, but liquefy. As winter sets in, I’ll harden into a reddish gel that will then be injected into the lips of Lisa Rinna.

Any plans for new characters?
New characters are always a gamble. For every Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or Horny Manatee there are countless failures like the FedEx Pope and Clausty the claustrophobic coffee mug.

What celebrity do you pray does not wind up on your couch?
Angela Landsbury—her foulmouthed tirades against the Swedes have no place on television.

If your last year of late night were a fruit, what would it be and why?
A pomegranate—it’s messy and unpleasant, but provides essential antioxidants.

Any crimes you’ll commit this year?
I want to rob every casino in Las Vegas with my impossibly handsome friends.

What are your predictions for 2008?
The icecaps will melt, the seas will rise, the continents will collide and merge into one. And my interview with Tony Shalhoub will create modest buzz on YouTube.