Patagonia's DIY Moccasins
If we're gonna spend $30 on a pair of shoes, they better damn well already be ready to wear right out of the store. If we wanted something we'd have to assemble ourselves, we'd have gone to Ikea.




VH1's Celebrity Rehab
Starting January 10, you can watch D-list celebrities like Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, and Daniel Baldwin as they suffer through the shakes, sweats, and the shits at a treatment center in L.A. You can also shoot yourself in the face with a cannon, but that doesn't mean you should.





TwoDaLoo
Billed as "a supertoilet that saves rocky marriages and the planet," the TwoDaLoo is the first toilet two people can use at the same time. The $1,400 john features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modesty wall to separate you and your girl. If it isn't the size of the Great Wall of China, we're not interested.





PetWeds.com
Here's how this works: You mail them $14.95 and then wait for Reverend Tyker (a dog) to mail your pet's wedding certificate. Or you can put the money toward buying yet another cat, because at this rate it seems like you'll be without human companionship for the rest of your life.





Volcom Ransom Hooded Twill Blazer
Just what you needed! An $85 blazer that has a built-in hoodie for that look that says "I'm dressy but still casual enough to wear a hoodie underneath my blazer" without actually having to wear a hoodie underneath your blazer. And you can pop the collar, too!





Treetent
Remember when you built tree houses out of wood? Now kids just ask their daddies for $50,000 and hang a 13-foot-tall bag off a tree while counting their trust fund pennies. The Beckham boys are rumored to have gotten one. Their mom is also rumored to look like a frigid bitch. Oh wait, that part's true!