Whether it’s a bargument with your pals or a lamp-throwing bust-up with your girlfriend, every kind of argument is a structured war. “Verbal fights are combat without the physical violence other species in the ani­mal world get into,” says forensic psychiatrist Mark Levy. Too bad your body hasn’t figured that one out yet. Millions of years of evolution have taught us to react one of two ways to any kind of danger, fight or flight. A hormonal response that pumps loads of adrenaline into your bloodstream, juices up your heart rate, dilates your pupils, and makes you sweat like Shaq—isn’t exactly conducive to settling who should pick up the tab. Here’s how you calm the beast inside and serenely pick your opponent apart.

FIGHTIN' WORDS

Harvard Law’s Alan Dershowitz offers some tips on changing minds. Pulled Over for Speeding “Explain calmly when you left your last location and where you are now, and let the policeman do the math in his head and figure out that you couldn’t have gone that fast. Give him the facts that will lead him to the conclusion that he may have made a mistake.” Getting a Raise “Illustrate to your boss why you’re so good. Let him come to the conclusion that you’re not someone they want to lose. Explain why you’re indispensable and drop the hint that maybe other companies think you are, too. You let the other guy figure out the key to your argument and then you own them.”

Be Prepared
“Always have more information than the other person,” advises Neil Strauss, author of Rules of the Game. That doesn’t mean revealing your hand at the outset. By holding back crucial info, you lure an opponent into revealing everything he knows. “Let’s say you’re trying to get your girlfriend to admit she’s cheating, and you already know what’s happened,” says Strauss. “Play dumb and pretend you don’t know and she’ll dig her own grave by overexplaining.” Just a metaphoric grave? Damn.

Know Your Weaknesses
Feel free to bring up a counterargument to your main point, because “it makes you seem more trustworthy,” says Noah Goldstein, University of Chicago Graduate School of Business professor and coauthor of Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive. “If I’m arguing for the death penalty and I show I’m knowledgeable about the reasons against the death penalty, you have to assign me more credibility.” Fine, but not street cred. You have to kill for that.

Switch Gears
If you don’t like where an argument is headed, just switch the topic of conversation to anything more agreeable. “After talking about something else entirely, bring up your original point again,” says Strauss. “They’re likely to have changed their minds.”

Say Again
“See if there’s a certain key word they use with a lot of passion.” says Strauss. “They may say ‘true,’ as in what’s true to them. Just repeat that word in your own sentences and you’ll get a more positive response.”

Look the Part
Debating the subtle fineries of Southern rap and don’t know your Lil Waynes from your Lil Scrappys? Look like you do and it won’t matter. “People who slouch are always going to be less believed than those who exude confidence,” says Goldstein. “Even if there’s no difference in the strength of the arguments themselves.” Really? Damn you, spina bifida!