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ultimate road trips

Fatty Edition
Beef up, overeating enthusiasts!
Big Apple Barbecue Block Party
(New York City, NY June 7–8)
For the sixth year running, the top pit masters in the country gather in Madison Square Park and attempt to make you die in the throes of porky ecstasy. At only $8 a plate, its crack-tastic! bigapplebarbecue.com

Vermont Brewers Festival
(Burlington, Vermont, July 18–19)
Since the Vermont Weed Festival offers items of questionable legality, we can only advise you to head to the shores of Lake Champlain and lawfully harm your brain as the best New England breweries sling their suds. vermontbrewers.com

German Fest
(Milwaukee, Wisconsin, July 24–27)
Sure, Germans are a scary lot, but there’s no one better to party with—especially when they’re providing 20,000 brats, five tons of potato pancakes and dachshund races. germanfest.com

Testicle Festival
(Clinton, Montana, July 30–August 3)
What could top a festival packed with deep-fried Rocky Mountain oysters and tons o’ public nudity? “No Panty Wednesday,” where ladies get a free drink for trading in their undies. testyfesty.com

Nerd Edition
Check your pride at the door.
MoCCA
(N.Y.C., June 7–8)
If the prospect of owning an original sketch of The Flaming Carrot gets you aroused, get your boner a weekend pass to this alternative-comics festival with a yearly guest list of dork idols like Moby and Michel Gondry. moccany.org

Heroes Con
(Charlotte, NC, June 20–22)
Probably the best pure-comics convention left. That means no movie trailers, no TV stars—just boxes and boxes of comics for sale, and appearances from the likes of Jason Aaron! (You know, the guy who writes Wolverine?) heroesonline.com

Anime Expo
(Los Angeles, July 3–6)
If you’re into Japanese animation and manga—or just want to see a parade of women in Asian schoolgirl outfits—AX is all you. anime-expo.org

Lebowski Fest
(Louisville, KY, July 11–12)
You might think you’ve read all there is to know about this annual ode to bowling, white Russians, and nihilism, but trust us—this still has to be seen to be believed. lebowskifest.com

San Diego Comic Con
(July 23–27)
The mother of all cons. With massive crowds, A-list celebs, and sneak previews of upcoming Hollywood blockbusters, this fest is now known as “Cannes for Fans.” God, we feel like kicking sand in our own faces for writing that. comic-con.org

Sporty Edition
Get weird and sweaty!
Grand Sumo Tournament
(Los Angeles, June 7-8)
Forty pro sumo wrestlers from Japan swing by L.A., primed to introduce American audiences to an ancient sport filled with history, pride, and abused G-strings. sumotour.com

USA Rock Paper Scissors League Championship
(Las Vegas, June 22)
Not only will the winner of the USARPS title win 50 grand, he or she will also head to Beijing to take on representatives from Canada, Guam, Hong Kong, Ireland, and Malaysia. Note to self: Feign patriotism. usarps.com

Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest
(Coney Island, New York, July 4)
Can anyone top Joey Chestnut’s world record of 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes? Who cares? Just pray that you don’t have to witness a disgusting “reversal of fortune.” nathansfamous.com/nathans/contest

North Dakota State Arm Wrestling Championships
(Minot, July 26)
Watch men (and women) try to prove they can take Stallone over the top. ndstatefair.com

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