SET THE SCENE | SET THE MOOD | LIVE ENTERTAINMENT | GAMBLING

SET THE SCENE
Your living room needs an injection of tackiness, so say good-bye to good taste and hello to a fiberglass Venus de Milo statue.

Screens, Screens, Screens
You need three TVs. Minimum. Don't argue. Here are some suggestions.

Large: Your hero TV needs to be epic and the 60-inch Pioneer PRO-151FD more than qualifies. It's pricey ($6,500), but it has everything you need in a TV, possibly for the rest of your life.
Use This For: Any major sporting event in HD; Blu-ray movies; big-event video game tournament for cash.

Medium: The 47-inch Vizio VO47LF is a steal at $1,400. It's got four HDMI jacks and a resolution of 1080p at 120Hz, which is the next big thing for TVs.
Use This For: Hooking up all your gaming consoles; secondary sporting events; when not gaming or watching sports this should be running Vegas-themed DVDs 24/7.

Small: The Ölevia 232V LCD HDTV would ordinarily be your main TV, but for Vegas purposes it's the runt of the bunch. It's a great 32-inch TV, has one HDMI input, and is only $600.
Use This For: OTB channel; last-resort gaming TV; hooking up a camcorder to record, broadcast and document the live entertainment you have planned; you can have your buddies share the cost and make it a door prize at the end of the Vegas weekend. (Or just keep it, since they're destroying your living room.)

Make Your Own Buffet…Kinda

For the next few days, your kitchen is nothing but a stockroom for beer/liquor/snacks. Plus, you don't want to catch any crap from the guys about your cooking. (They're still making fun of you for that dumb-ass casino carpet you bought.) This doesn't mean you can't be creative and build an assortment of delicious premade options that will last for days. Start with Southern food, grabbing a few Variety Buckets from KFC. Next, Italian from the world-famous Olive Garden, where their Lasagna Classico serves 12 for only $50! For more exotic fare, you can either go big and have live lobsters delivered from Red Lobster or sample tastes of the Orient from Panda Express. Also, did you know that Boston Market offers catering? Well you do now! As for us meat eaters, we'll stick with cooking up a bunch of Omaha Steaks on the grill. It may be expensive, but it's worth it. For those guys who need to impress others with their culinary skills, check out our guide to the most awesome food and drinks in America for some tasty options.

Sounds
The System: You need a solid all-in-one surround sound system, and the Onkyo HT-SS100 7.1 Channel Home Theater is one of the best and most affordable. It runs around $600 and has an HD receiver with three HDMI ports, seven satellite speakers, a subwoofer, and technology that autocorrects the sound specifically for your room.

The Source: There's a slew of portable gizmos out there, but nothing impressed us more than the Creative Zen X-Fi with Wi-fi. It's has plenty of storage capacity (32GB), built-in Wi-Fi capabilities to access your home network, and looks really cool. Our favorite part is Creative's X-Fi technology, which miraculously upscales the quality of your crappy MP3s.


Get a Rug
The bedrock of any casino starts with the ugliest carpet you can find. Keep it simple with a cheap rug like those we found at Target or Home Depot. They'll make cleanup much easier, whether it be from spills, ashes, or rolling up dead bodies. For those of you looking to make an impact, you have to cover your dirt floor with something that screams Vegas at the top of its fibery lungs. You won't find anything better than what we spotted at ValueCarpetOnline.com. This must be what Wayne Newton's colon looks like.


Cover the Walls (with more than vomit)
The wallpaper in most casinos is so gaudy that it's not fit for your grandmother's condo, let alone your home. It's best to stick with artwork. And by "artwork," we mean "posters." Bypass anything permanent and shell out for a cool landscape of the strip, which can either cover up the hole you punched during last year's Super Bowl for $25, or one that covers the entire wall for $105. Then head over to AllPosters.com, for great deals on Rat Pack classics or iconic movies set in the city that truly never sleeps.



Go With the Flow
Vegas is famous for spitting in the face of good sense. For example, the city's under constant drought warnings, yet has more water than SeaWorld and Regis Philbin's adult diaper combined. You don't need the water show at the Bellagio, but you should represent this Sin City staple. Either keep it cheap with a $16 4-Tier Tabletop squirter or go hydroculous with a Two-Tier With Sphere. The Sphere is meant for lawns, but you're never getting that security deposit back, so you might as well make the most of it.

Stat-choo! (Gesundheit)
There's a reason Caesars Palace gives us chills every time we see it: massive godlike statues that make you feel like you're about to enter the Coliseum to battle gladiators…and not a regular ol' casino where you'll play craps with 70-year-olds in tracksuits. First, you can get a funky looking Gargoyle, name him Gambley and come up with a great story for his origin. (Your uncle stole it from Doyle Brunson's dungeon after a night of booze and whippets.) The second option is a sexy fiberglass Venus de Milo ($42), which is sure to distract your opponents with her topless, and armless, beauty. For the ambitious (i.e. rich), there's a third option: ice sculpture. A single block of ice starts at $375 (shipping not included), which begs the question: If you can spend hundreds on melting artwork, why the hell don't you just go to Vegas for real?


Clear the Air
It ain't Vegas unless the air is so dry that your nose bleeds. To ensure minimum moisture, stop by Kmart or any other handy home outfitter, and pick up a dehumidifier and air filter. If you really want to impress the guys, or at least keep your place smelling a touch better than a corpse rejecting a rotten burrito, grab some Febreze Air Effects. This'll cover almost any odor…or at least make it smell like citrus or lavender. Mmm...lavender diarrhea.