At one time or another, we've all found ourselves in one of those "after dark" shops with the neon lights. It's nothing to be ashamed of; after all, there's something in an adult bookstore for everyone, right? But no matter when or where you stumble into one, odds are you'll encounter at least one of these nine types who frequent such establishments. Some are harmless, casual shoppers like yourself; others are a little too into "the scene," if you get my drift.

9. The Tired Businessman

Generally a slightly older, disheveled gent; all he wants to do is grab a couple of magazines before heading home to a nagging wife, screaming kids and/or ungrateful teens, and put in little "private bathroom time" before hitting the sack (or maybe while hitting it). If he's had a particularly bad day - say, he hit "reply all" accidentally on an email and had a chat with HR after referring to Mark in Sales as a "world-class shit-steamer" - he may even pick up a DVD. Something reliable, like a Jenna Jameson greatest hit, for when the family's off at his mother-in-law's for the weekend.



8. The Bachelorette Party

A gaggle of females who are noisy, most likely drunk, and prone to picking up anything that's remotely penis-shaped while laughing uproariously at it. Oftentimes this is accompanied by conversations on how the groom-to-be measures up. All they're likely to buy are penis water guns or ice trays, anyway. If you see a hot party member, don't let her see you; try and overhear what bar they're heading to next, then wait a half-hour for any attempted hook-up.



7. The Exhibitionist

This is the gimp-esque guy or gal parading the aisles in full S&M gear. They'll either discuss their sexual escapades openly in order to elicit an awkward reaction, or just sidle up to you and make casual conversation. "Some weather we're having, huh?" or "Why can't Jennifer Aniston just settle down with a nice guy?" are always popular topics. Avoid direct contact with the leather and latex; for all of their brazen confidence in choice of attire, keeping it laundered isn't exactly a top priority.


6. The Covert Dominatrix

Prim and proper, she always maintains a professional but friendly composure, if coming across as slightly bitchy. You'd never know it from looking at her or working in close proximity to her, but once she's in her element, she's a freak. A leather corset, stiletto heels, whips, ball gags—the works. She'll likely be in and out of the shop as a quick as possible, so sightings are rare; just look for a poised woman wearing sunglasses, shopping briskly, and sizing up potential submissives.

Click on the link below for the next five freaks...