Mexican drug cartels are buzzkills. Their constant bickering (aka dumping headless bodies in the streets) is putting a real damper on Spring Break this year. Universities across the country are warning students to skip the annual festival of drunken debauchery south of the border, due to frequent massacres and widespread kidnappings.

Honestly, we hate the idea of being dragged away mid-body shot, only to be gag-balled in a basement with two guys yelling in Mexican how they’re going to clamp battery cables to our nipples unless our family forks over 50 grand. Really...hate...it.

So we’ll plan to party in the good, old U.S. of A., and settle for watching our Acapulco Spring Break videos with a sense of bikini-filled reverence. Woo-hoo!