Father's Day is still weeks away, but that won't stop you from waiting until the last second to find him a craptastic present of mediocrity. Fortunately, we're here to help.

Here's what you know: Your dad loves his lawn—a vast green oasis that looks like Augusta National Golf Club. But he's getting older, and the duct-taped/bungee corded push mower he's used since 1978 finally crapped out.

What your lazy ass would typically do: After a friendly reminder from your mother the night before, you panic, turn on the computer and order him a grass-eating goat from Mount Rushmore (*with free overnight delivery. How could you resist?)



Upgrade: If you want your dad to mow like a mother in a fraction of the time, say hello to our little friend—the John Deere EZtrak Z225, a 42" Cut Zero Turn Radius Mower. With an 18.5-hp Briggs & Stratton single-cylinder, air-cooled, full pressure lubricated engine, your old man will need some "Haulin' Ass" mud flaps as he turns on a dime and snaps grass at 7 mph. Shock absorbers ease the ride, which is perfect since it comes with two beer, er, cup holders for your beverage-holding pleasure. And with it's trademark colors, he'll finally have something that matches the canary-yellow "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirt you bought him last year. (Price: $2,999)


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