Role Play There’s something about role play that can seem, at times, a little silly (“OK, so this time you be Smurfette, I’ll be Gargamel…”), and at other times, a little creepy. “This guy I went on a date with was really into having women play Catholic school girls,” says Jessie, 27, an actress. “When we went back to his place and started making out, he opened his closet to reveal a stack of plaid skirts, berets, and Mary Janes in different sizes. I was so freaked out, I left.”
However, done right, role play can bring a new charge to sex. Many women find taking on another persona liberating, because it frees them from expectations about how they’re supposed to behave in bed. Tania, a 30-year-old flight attendant, discovered as much when her boyfriend took her by surprise one night: “I walked in the door of our apartment, and he was waiting in the dark hallway. He grabbed my wrists and said in this gruff voice, ‘You’ve been a bad girl and need to learn obedience. Do exactly as I say.’ I immediately fell into that subservient role.” The key to his success, Tania says, was that there was no time to debate a cheesy setup. “If he’d presented me with a whole scenario like, ‘How about I’m the peg-legged pirate and you’re the beautiful native islander,’ or whatever, I never would’ve gone for it.” The bottom line: When introducing her to role play, keep it simple and spontaneous— you can work up to the creepy masks later.
Light BDSM Those of you who liked to torture small animals as children, don’t get too excited: We’re not talking about trotting out whips and gags here. We are talking about tying her hands up with a scarf or administering a few firm smacks on the ass. The first time I experimented with this was when my college boyfriend and I returned from a formal, and he yanked his tie off and quickly lassoed my hands. He tightened the knot just enough that I could escape if I really wanted to. Acting like I was being forced to submit (even though I really wasn’t) allowed me to give in to him completely.
The first spank is slightly trickier, if only because it’s not easy for the woman to have much control over how it’s executed. That’s partly the point, but it means you need to exercise some caution. Here’s a tip: Aim to smack hard enough that it’ll sting a bit, but not so hard you leave a mark. “The first time my boyfriend spanked me, I couldn’t even feel it,” says Jane, 28, a paralegal. “I’ve gotten more turned on being jostled by strangers on the subway. But after I gave him the green light to use a little force, he overcompensated. I had a handprint on my butt that turned black-and-blue the next day.” Avoid going 0–60; you can break out the paddle, but only after you know her personal threshold.
Backdoor Entry It may be the final sexual frontier: Anal sex is the one act that every guy wants to get a woman to try, and every woman wants to avoid—or so we think. According to an ABC News report, anal sex rates have doubled in the adult population since 1995. Obviously, all those girls had to start somewhere.
For Hilary, a 23-year-old event planner, that “somewhere” was an evening when her then-boyfriend brought anal beads to bed. “At first I let him put them in me just because I could tell how much it turned him on,” she says. “But once I got over my initial apprehension, it felt amazing.” Within a week they’d moved from toys to the real thing.
Most girls agree it’s best to test the waters with toys or finger play before graduating to full-on penetration. According to sex educator Laura Berman, Ph.D., the entire area is very sensitive: “The perineum is filled with tiny nerve endings that feel wonderful when touched.” Start with gentle stimulation and you may be surprised where it leads.“My boyfriend used to gently press on my butt-hole while going down on me,” says Laurie, 31, a yoga instructor. “I was amazed how erotic it was. One night I told him I wanted to do it for real. When he entered me for the first time, I almost came right then.”
The truth is, when it comes to sex, women are just as eager as you to say, “Been there, done that.” If you’ve earned her trust, there’s practically no limit to what she’ll try. Except your Rush Limbaugh diaper fantasy. Weirdo.
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