E-mail forwards are the herpes of the internet world.  And just like in your everyday life, it's important to pin point who has herpes, so that you can avoid them.  In an effort to help you do that, we've put together a list of six of the biggest e-mail forward offenders.

1. Mr. Over The Top Gross Porno Friend

We all have an internet porn comfort zone.  On average it encompasses everything from just regular boobies to a girl gagging on a heavy-duty weiner while getting railed by a container of ovaltine.  Anything past that though, just isn't wholesome to most people.  This person, however, has no porn conscience, so he has no problems occasionally e-mailing you disturbing videos hidden under harmless titles.  It's best to just block his e-mails entirely, because curiosity didn't just kill the cat, it arrested the pedophile.  Usually the porn starts out fairly normal, then quickly gets bizarre, causing this thought process as you watch it;  "OK.....OK...Nice ... Nice.  ... Ah Yeah .... this is hot!  Eat those pastries, eat tho-  NO!  OH GOD NO.  WHAT THE?  Jesus where's the little X button to close this out before I get arrested."

2. Mr. Hey Check Out This Pyramid Scheme That I Swear Isn't A Pyramid Scheme!

This guy decided he didn't want a real job, and whenever anyone doesn't want a real job, they want to ask the people around that have real jobs, for money.  But you can't just ask for money, unless you've urinated on yourself, and since that's not considered "cool," a pyramid scheme is the next best thing.    For some reason this person has an incredibly short memory about past "amazing opportunities" that left some people in broke, or fearful of prison.  Look for e-mails titled "Quit your job, we're going to be rich!"  Quickly followed by an explanation of why this one isn't a pyramid scheme, and even if it is, "it doesn't matter cause we're getting in at the ground floor anyway!  How does a pyramid even work?  No one knows!  And THAT is why it works."  He breaks it down with "You get two friends who do a little more work, then they get two friends who do a little more work, and you just get a cut from everybody."  What ends up happening is you just have a bunch of people who don't work, who while they're not working, are imagining two migrant workers doing 200 hour work weeks at the bottom of this pyramid.

3. The Conspiracy Theorist

This guy scours the internet looking for the truth.  Not the "logical and fact based truth," but the REAL truth. Somehow, remarkably the C.I.A. just up and forgets to conceal documents and then these documents are available on websites, which this person then sends to you with the subject line "WAKE UP BRO."  Inside the e-mail says things like "You actually think AIDS is real?  The CIA created AIDS in a lab and shipped it to Africa to try and stop us from losing long distance running events in the Olympics."  "You think the Nazis lost WWII?  Nope, they just went undercover, then resurfaced and started Sav-On Drugs."  Then when you respond with "Yeah, but the website link you sent me also had footage of Bigfoot working at the Olive Garden," they come back with "well, that article is fake, but the rest of them are real."  The question is, is it worth the .01% chance this guy is right so he can say "I told you so" compared to the 99.9% chance that everyone loses all respect for him?  The answer to him, yes.

4. Mrs. Hey Check Out This Evite!

The act of sending an E-vite is both an invitation and a test.  For girls, it's a test of friendship.  For guys, it's a test of your manhood, and if you have ever sent an E-vite, then you failed that test.  E-vites often cost you time and stress when trying to decide whether to attend.  Luckily, E-vites come with a built in solution: The "Maybe" button.  Stop trying to make a decision and use this every time.  The other thing you should know about E-vite is that every time you view the invitation, the host knows it.  Meaning they know you opened it and didn't responded about coming to their baby showers.  Know this.  Also know that baby showers suck and are just another form of panhandling.

5. The Inspirational Poem From Your Mom

For most people, the internet was created for porno, a forum to misspell words, and to a lesser extent, information.  But to your mom, the internet was created so that even when you're not around, she can let you know that you're incredibly special to her and that the sky is the limit, through the sending of a shitty poem.  Here's the thing, the sky is no the limit, and you realize that while you're sitting in a cubicle trying to figure out why you don't have the write version of excel to open the spreadsheet you need to work on.  So, as you're dealing with this, when you receive a poem about a cat that ended up forging a relationship with a dog, it makes you want to throw your computer at a cat, and kill it.

6. Mrs. LOL 2 FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

I think whoever invented the exclamation point, Horatio exclamationpoint or whoever, if they saw how it was being used now, they'd drive the first sharp object they could find through their chest.  This person though, is not just excited to forward you a paragraph and a half joke with a punch line you see coming from the first sentence, they're 12 exclamation points excited.  Usually this e-mail is forwarded to about 47 other people, so at least take solace in the fact that 46 other people think this person is retarded.