360,000 B.C.
Man harnesses fire. First "KISS MY WEINER" BBQ apron crudely fashioned from mammoth hide.
Circa 80 A.D.
The Colosseum is dedicated to Rome. Opening day gladiatorial contest ruined by jerk yelling, "Play 'Free Bird'!"
1519
Ferdinand Magellan circumnavigates the globe. Tells his wife he's just "going fishing with some broheims."
1893
The zipper is born. "Whip it out!" replaces the more cumbersome, "Manipulate a series of hooks and eyelets before reaching inside and exposing it!"
1962
First Taco Bell opens. Original slogan: "Why travel all the way to Mexico for diarrhea?"
1972
Deep Throat becomes most successful porn film of all time. (Narrowly beats out 1971's classic Home Movie of Two Junkies Doin' It.)
1992
Snoop introduces "Snoop Speak." Becomes most spoken language among suburban teens, beating out "Fred Durst-ese" and "Insane Clown Patter."
1997
President Clinton gets his joint worked on. The hottest thing to happen in the Oval Office since Abe stove-piped Mary Todd in the first lady hole.
2008
Barack Obama elected first black president of the United States. T-shirt bootleggers forget all about Biggie and Tupac.
????
When your kick-ass sophomore-year party is scheduled to end (according to the flyer you posted).
