Do you have any confessions to make on your deathbed?
I always kind of liked Billy Joel’s music.

Are you going to heaven or hell?
Which one has scotch?

Describe your most hellish comedy club experience.
It was at a ballroom in a near-abandoned hotel in Staunton, Virginia, where I was forced, through a weird set of circumstances, to perform for the same angry crowd twice.

Is there any person on Earth you wish you had punched in the face while you were alive?
Myself, before I said yes to performing in Staunton, Virginia.

You’re known as a huge comic book fan. Do you wish you’d spent more or less time reading them?
I have a feeling I got my comic book reading time just perfect. I wouldn’t change it.

Having done the voice of rat chef Remy in Ratatouille, what will be your last meal?
If I could choose my last meal, it would, currently, be at Andalu in San Francisco, with wines chosen by the chef, Calvin Schneiter. Or maybe the truffle menu at Providence in Los Angeles. Or a throw-down between Alinea in Chicago and El Bulli in Spain. But with my luck, it’ll be a Big Mac.

Will you be reincarnated?
I will. I can’t say what I will return as, but it will have chain-saw arms and be able to roller-skate.

You were a military kid. Do you want a 21-gun salute?
No. I just want one round fired from a .50-caliber at either Sarah Palin or Michael Vick…just close enough to scare them.

Whom do you least look forward to meeting in the afterlife?
Jesus (I hate trust-funders).

Who will be voicing you in the animated biopic?
Weirdly enough, Dame Judi Dench.

What are people saying over your coffin?
“Who’s catering the wake?”

Got any last words?
There is no them.

Oswalt is on the “My Weakness Is Strong” tour, and Big Fan is playing nationwide.