Thailand SexYour coke-fueled orgy with three horny ladies turns into a gang initiation for three boy-ninjas, who beat you with bamboo and steal everything but your socks.
Dirty Motel SexYou bone every which way while a busted neon light flickers outside. Then a crazy drifter murders you.
Staying-With-Your-Parents SexFurious Chihuahua-like humping while listening for footsteps; ejaculating into an old sock while screaming, “I’LL BE THERE IN A SEC, MA!”
Vegas Sex The kind you can’t remember until you realize you can’t find that $800 you won at craps last night.
Cruise Ship SexFacing each other cross-legged, you rock back and forth slowly, erotically…till one of you pukes.
Euro SexYou search everywhere for a store that sells condoms, but everything closes at 3 p.m. The next morning you have to beg for the morning-after pill using hand gestures.
B&B SexYou try 33 different positions in an effort to avoid eye contact with the creepy porcelain figurines placed throughout the room.
Staycation SexMissionary as usual, but you roll over and go back to sleep after finishing prematurely, instead of pretending it happened because you’re late for work.
