It's happened to all of us. You've woken up early Christmas morning to find that one special toy you've been drooling over, only to have the reality of its suckiness kick you in the beanbag soon after. Here are 8 that forever ruined our childhood.

 

8. Electric Football


THE HYPE: Harnessing the awesome power of vibrating electricity, you and your buddies can re-enact actual football plays...kick field goals...and throw passes!!!


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: About 10 plays into it as you continuously watch your running back turn in a fucking circle, your receivers run backwards and your QB head straight for the sidelines. Either that, or you witness one giant vibrating lump. And don't even make us relive that soul-crushing moment when we discovered that it was physically impossible to complete a pass.

 

 

7. Boomerang

THE HYPE: Just throw this amazing toy and watch it fly effortlessly around your yard and come right back to you.


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: At best, about eight times after climbing on your roof to retrieve it. At worst, one time after watching it travel in the exact same flight path as a dead tree limb. You eventually tried to convince yourself it was working, thanks to a full-on sprint to catch it some 25 feet away.

 

 

6. Sega Game Gear

THE HYPE: Touting itself as the handheld console for non-pickled pork lips eaters, Game Gear had superior graphics over its spinach-colored competition, Nintendo's Game Boy. It also introduced the world to Ethan Suplee, so you knew nothing could go wrong here.

 

WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: Three hours. That's when you started going through AA batteries like Tiger Woods going through golf groupies. Its crappiness was highlighted by a red flashing light, indicating all six of the required batteries were about to give way. Six batteries. Three hours. That's a helluva lot of maintenance money just to hear the NBA Jam announcer yell "Gugliotta!"

 

 

5. Rock Tumbler

THE HYPE: Polish any old rock in your yard into a semi-precious gemstones and create your own pirate treasure.


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: About eight minutes in when you asked your parents if it's done. That's when they slap you with the cold, hard truth that it'll be at least two weeks before this motorized, insomnia-inducing toy will be finished tumbling your shitty rocks. The second disappointment comes when it's finished and your shitty rock looks, well, like a slightly nicer version of a shitty rock.

 

 

4. Toy Airplane

THE HYPE: These stocking stuffers will soar through the air like the Blue Angels, offering up to 300 feet of amazing flying accuracy.


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: About three seconds after launching it. That's when it either a.) crashes two feet in front of you, destroying a piece of the tail section, or b.) lands on your roof or in a tree, destroying a piece of the tail section.

 

 

3. $49 Guitar with Speaker from Sears

THE HYPE: You too will become a rock god once this panty-melting axe gets into your magical Eddie Van Halen-like hands.

 

WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: Almost immediately. Seconds after picking up this undersized, always outta-tune guitar, you realized that you had absolutely no talent, or the patience to even bring out an inkling of melody from its horrible two-watt speaker system.


 

2. Bop Bag

THE HYPE: A toy that you're not only encouraged to beat the crap out, but it's a chance to show just how much dynamite you're packing in that monster right cross of yours.


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKS: After about five pummel-tastic minutes when a.) you collapse from exhaustion and b.) realize that you were, for some odd reason, beating the shit out of a beloved superhero.

 

 

1. Pogo Stick

THE HYPE: Just hop on and prepare for hours of easy, bouncing fun.


WHEN YOU REALIZED IT SUCKED: After about 10 minutes of attempted use, realizing that it's physically impossible to use a pogo stick.