When you're a kid, there was often no rhyme or reason as to why Santa seemed to conveniently forget to bring you certain gifts from your wish list. Certain big, incredibly awesome gifts. So as a companion piece to our recent 8 Shittiest Gifts You Actually Wanted, here are the 8 gifts that only rich kids ever received. You blamed Santa at the time, but to quote Herman Blume, "Take dead aim at the rich boys." Or pretend to be their friends so you can play with their cool shit.

 

1. G.I. Joe USS Flagg aircraft carrier


Why It Was Awesome: Measuring over 6 feet long and taking up most of a playroom floor, the Joes' aircraft carrier was akin to a mythical beast; sightings of it were rare, but when you heard about a kid who had one, you instantly became his best friend, whether he wanted you hanging around or not. Good news for those who missed out the first time around: Hasbro has confirmed a re-release in 2010.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: The Flagg's original retail price was $109.99, and that's 1985 dollars we're talking. You could've bought a giraffe on the black market for that kind of dough. And since the box itself was big enough to house a live gorilla, where the hell would your parents have stashed this thing before Christmas Day?

 

 

2. TurboGrafx 16


Why It Was Awesome: The NES was becoming played out by 1989, and it was time to take gaming to the next level. And that level was 16-bit graphics. (Can you handle that? 16!) Hitting stores a mere two weeks after Sega's Genesis, the TurboGrafx 16 boasted a more aggressive marketing campaign (it truly seemed like the system of the future) and buzzed-about games; hell, the cartoonish but bloody Splatterhouse even had a parental advisory sticker on its cover.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: Even your clueless grandma could tell that the TurboGrafx was an overpriced flash in the pan and would be obsolete in less than a year. The kid whose parents drove a Jaguar may have acted like hot shit for the first month he had one, but it was quickly put to use as a footstool once the first-generation SNES hit.

 

 

3. Transformers "Fortress Maximus"


Why It Was Awesome: A giant friggin' robot that transformed into the Autobots' city, Fortress Maximus came with tons of weapons, storage compartments, and smaller robots and vehicles; his head even detached to transform into a separate Autobot, and that guy's head came off and transformed, too. Bonus points for it actually being taller than your kid brother.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: In 1987, F.M. was the most expensive Transformer ever produced...a record that wasn't broken for nearly 20 years. So Santa wasn't going to have the elves working overtime just to make your sorry ass happy. Or maybe he had issues with the fact that this guy was part of the "Headmasters" assortment.

 

 

4. A dirt bike

 

Why It Was Awesome: Go-karts were cool, but a dirt bike? Fuck, you could ride that thing around anywhere. The driveway, the street, the back yard, off of makeshift ramps made outta 2x4's that your dad needed for a project...the possibilities were limitless. And dangerous. Very, very dangerous.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: Broken limbs and gas fires would've weighed heavily on his conscience. And a copy of The Dirt Bike Kid on video was just as good as the real thing, right?

 

[Shown above: Santa fail.]

 

 

5. Remote-controlled airplane

 

Why It Was Awesome: Everyone and their mildly retarded cousin had a remote-control car of some sort, but owning something that wasn't limited to the ground? That made you a god among your fellow booger-pickers. And as long as you were adept and avoiding roofs and fetching things from trees, you would be worshiped continuously.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: His crystal ball told him that out of all the windows your plane would go crashing through, the one belonging to the belligerent neighbor would get smashed.

 

 

6. Star Wars Death Star playset


Why It Was Awesome: You know you've got something special when an elevator and trash compactor provide hours on entertainment. It may not have even been remotely Death Star-shaped (or come with half-vaporized chunks of Alderaan), but it was still the end-all, be-all when it came to Star Wars playsets. And you could always just leave Luke stranded while Han Solo saved the universe instead.
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: When it came to assembly, this thing had enough small pieces and stickers to make your freak out and think he was back in 'Nam.

 

7. That one gigantic LEGO set


Why It Was Awesome: Huge box, millions of pieces and accessories, hours of entertainment ... whether it involved pirates, dragons, the wild west or space (or a mix of all of them),  a massive LEGO set was a status symbol that said, "Clearly, my creativity is being nurtured. And I can make a spaceship that looks like a giant bug!"
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: Remember those millions of pieces? Santa could picture them scattered all over the house. Santa could also picture a kid howling in sorrow because he couldn't find one lousy red brick.

 

8. Swimming pool

 

Why It Was Awesome: Where to begin? How about "You could be the life of the party and make your friends die laughing by reenacting the 'doodie' scene from Caddyshack."
Why "Santa" Screwed You Over: You didn't have a back yard. And because he's a cruel bastard, Santa left you a shovel with a note that said "Get started."