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April's Biggest Fools

These real-life pranks landed the pranksters in jail, court, or hell. Enjoy the hilarity!

Crappy Birthday to You
Prank: Four teenage girls from Pennsylvania baked a birthday cake for a fellow student and decorated it with nature’s frosting: human turds. The B-day girl ate a morsel, and, unaware that the dessert came from someone’s butt, brought the rest home to share with her family. Thinking it “tasted bad,” they sent it to a lab, where scientists revealed that the secret ingredient was fished out of a toilet. Seconds, please!
Punishment: The mean girls got 22 months’ probation and were ordered to do 200 hours of community service, cleaning bedpans at a nursing home and picking up dog shit. Which, in their case, is like foraging for food.

Really, Really High School
: For a potluck at the University of Colorado Boulder, students Thomas Cunningham, 21, and Mary Essa, 19, allegedly punked their history class by serving up a tray of marijuana-laced brownies. Three people were hospitalized, including the professor, who experienced dizziness, blackouts, and a raging case of bongo playing.
Punishment: Cunningham and Essa were arrested and charged with 18 felonies each, including second-degree assault and conspiracy to induce consumption of a controlled substance. They now face up to 78 mellow-harshing years in prison, or 537 years in stoner time.

Sex Bomb
Prank: Eighteen-year-old Tyell Morton placed a blowup sex doll in a bathroom stall at his Rushville, Indiana high school. Unfortunately, school officials were unfamiliar with things you’re supposed to put your dick into and called the bomb squad, thinking it was an explosive device. Well, you can explode into it…
Punishment: Morton spent five days in jail and faced a felony charge of institutional criminal mischief, but the charges were eventually dropped and his record was wiped clean in return for eight hours of community service. He and the blowup doll were married and have two beautiful half-human, half-balloon babies.

Jesting H. Christ
Prank: Baby Jesus was at the center of a prank at Monmouth College in Illinois when a group of sorority sisters snatched him from his manger—along with Mary, Joseph, and several stable animals—and placed the holy figures on the lawn of the school’s president. Witnesses were able to describe the girls’ getaway vehicle, and cops tracked them down at a nearby Taco Bell, where they fessed up to the practical joke and to cheating on their diets with way too many Chalupa Supremes.
Punishment: The perps of Kappa Kappa Gamma had to put in 25 hours of community service...and an eternity in hell.

Supersize Hit
Prank: Texas resident James Markle, 19, called up a McDonald’s and, posing as a corporate official, convinced an employee to set off the fire suppression system. Then Markle told him that the liquid was toxic and that he needed to break all the windows “for ventilation.” The worker followed orders and smashed out four windows, resulting in $5,000 in damages and a new menu item: Glass-Shard McNuggets.
Punishment: In the eyes of the law, Markle’s “prank” was considered a felonious terrorist threat, and he was sentenced to five years in prison. Something tells us this McPrankster won’t be lovin’ it in lockdown.

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