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Maxim endorses Dot Com for Prez in 2012

Maxim endorses Kevin Dot Com Brown for presidentHooray! Election Day put an end to tedious campaign coverage last week! Now the country can finally focus on what matters: next year's Election Day! 

Maxim found its presidential candidate early; Kevin Brown plays "Dot Com," one of Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan)'s bodyguards-turned-babysitters on NBC's 30 Rock. We quizzed the candidate about his "Dot Com for President" campaign, Alec Baldwin's mayoral bid, and of course, hot yoga. Our reasons for officially endorsing Dot Com in 2012 are thus:

HE'S SEEN THIS NATION FOR HIMSELF:

So you've been going all over the country?

Yeah, a little bit. I go out every weekend for stand-up. I'm in Utah right now. It's snowing!

So you can take your presidential campaign on the road while you do your comedy.

[laughs] Yeah. I have to stay close because 30 Rock is in production right now.

HE'S A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OWNER

You actually had a comedy club before you ever did comedy yourself?

Yes I did, called The Uptown Comedy Club. When I was in college I was a party promoter. I used to be a rapper. Back in those days, we called them MCs. Me and my friend had bought the equipment--speakers and records, all that kind of stuff--so we would throw a party.

So then I got older and started promoting bigger parties. The parties got huge, like, 3000, 4000 people attended our parties. It got real stressful, real hectic to do the parties at these venues that couldn't hold 4000 people, so there was always problems.

My brother had done a comedy show, and I discovered that when people are laughing, they don't fight. You don't need the security to do those types of events. I ended up liking the idea so much--and enjoying the comedy so much--we ended up turning it into The Uptown Comedy Club.

HE EMBRACES TECHNOLOGY:

How did you get the nickname Dot Com?

In the black comedy community we all had nicknames. When I started doing standup I was calling myself "Big Kev." I was working all over the city and my name was popping up on flyers, 10,000 per week for about a year. I noticed that Kevin being a real common name, and every other promoter or DJ was calling himself Big Kev. I needed a way to distinguish myself, so I decided to call myself "Big Kev Dot Com." I used that name a good two years. The last time I saw Tracy Morgan before we ran into each other on 30 Rock, I was going by the name "Big Kev Dot Com." When we were shooting the pilot, he introduced me to Tina Fey, he just said "This is my man Dot Com."

You've said in your comedy you're often typecast in a flat role as "The Big Black Guy." Has 30 Rock helped change that by showing Dot Com's sensitive side?

[laughs] It actually did. The thing is, there's always roles in every movie project for a big, bald-headed black guy. Before 30 Rock, I did pretty well. Now that I'm on 30 Rock, I've raised the stakes a little bit. When they offer me those little roles I just say "No, thank you." I think those roles -- the doorman, the bouncer -- that's nice, but it's nice for a young actor, trying to get into the union. I'm at the stage in my career where I can handle so much more.

HE UNDERSTANDS BOTH SIDES OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION:

I just finished doing a play, as a matter of fact. I played a Haitian refugee. The play is called Box. It's about these four Haitians who stow away in a cargo container filled with coffee. At the beginning, I'm making you laugh, and by the end I make you cry. I love roles that allow me to show that range of emotions.

I'm one of those guys who doesn't put all his eggs in one basket. When I'm not preparing for my next acting role, I'm preparing for my next stand-up gig.

Kevin Brown Dot Com for President Maxim

HE CAN DODGE QUESTIONS LIKE A TRUE POLITICIAN:

Why are you running for President?

Well, I'll tell you what. Here's the thing: I haven't exactly decided President of what yet. I'm leaving some wiggle room. I'm learning from the politicians. I might run for President of the United States, I might run for President of the Internet. There are things the President [of the U.S.] can't say, but a guy like me, I can say things that need to be said.

HE HAS MET THE ENEMY, AND IT IS US:

Osama bin Laden's gone, Gaddhafi's gone, Saddam's gone...Who is our top enemy in Dot Com's America?

America's enemy right now is ourselves! We're killing ourselves, that's the craziest thing about it. There is a handful of people who control this whole country, and they have aaaaaall the money. There's a handful of people who have hundreds of billions of dollars, and they control the media, they control everything. Poor jokers like us, we're just trying to pay our rent, pay our mortgage if the bank will give us credit...we're becoming our own worst enemy, and that's the nightmare. That's the insane part about it.

HE'LL APPOINT A HOT CABINET:

You wouldn't be the first actor president. If elected, are you prepared to bluff the Russians into bankruptcy? How will you bring your acting skills to bear?

I try not to complicate my campaign with political issues. I'll surround myself with really smart people and make them do really smart things.

Cerie -- Katrina Bowden MaximThen who will be your secretary of bikinis? 

[laughs] I think Cerie [Katrina Bowden] is one of the sexiest women on the planet, and she will be my first call.

HE BELIEVES IN CONSPIRACIES:

What is the biggest issue facing the country, beer-wise?

I'm not a beer drinker, but I'll tell you what I did notice. Coke and Pepsi are very powerful. There's a war going on. There are places that will not sell Pepsi. There are other venues that refuse to sell Coke. The first thing I would do is make sure there are fruit-flavored sodas in every freezer in the country. I will get into the ring, but I do not take a side. I'm trying not to turn anybody against me.

People are real passionate about politics. There are certain topics I do not touch. Recently my good buddy Tracy Morgan made some jokes about some political things, and he got in some trouble about it. And the gentleman I admire so much, Alec Baldwin, who's going to throw his hat in the ring.

HE WILL WORK CLOSELY WITH MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT:

Is that verified that Alec Baldwin is running for mayor of New York City?

Let's put it this way -- I didn't hear him say it, but all the signs look like it's going to happen.

That's going to make trouble for the show, though. Will Jack Donaghy have to run for mayor as well?

Ha-HA! That remains to be seen! Hopefully we can get another season out of him. He can run for mayor, I can run for President, we'll all be good.

Kevin Brown Dot Com for President MaximHE CAN BE HIS OWN SECURITY DETAIL:

You're 6'-5", 329 lbs. That makes you the tallest president, but not the biggest. If elected, what are you going to eat to clinch both titles?

I'm actually trying to get my sexy on right now. Who was heavier?

Bill Taft, 345.

Are you serious? I don't want to pass him. I just started taking bikram yoga a couple of weeks ago, and I'm loving it. The room is 105 degrees, and I'm having a ball. I haven't been under 300 lbs probably in the last 16 years. I'm trying to get under 300. It's hard to find healthy food late night on the road, but the yoga is giving me more discipline. But it's hard.

HE'S LEADING THE CHARGE TO A HEALTHIER AMERICA

You should have seen me. I was in a hotel in Baltimore, and sometimes right before a show I feel a lot of anxiety. When I feel that stress I can binge out on junk food like crazy. I bought a couple of packs of doughnuts, couple of honey buns, zebra cakes, and I ate them all that night. It was ridiculous. I was so ashamed of myself.

Oh, well. They say you're supposed to binge out once in awhile to keep your metabolism running.

I did it two or three days.

Is it harder to do yoga when you're that tall?

Yeah! My balance is terrible! They have a lot of postures where you're standing on one leg. I'm not good at those. I'm building my way up. I'm not the type of guy who's clumsy, but my balance is so poor, and I didn't realize it till I tried this yoga stuff. For me, it's important to stay healthy. My buddies on 30 Rock--you know, Grizz [Chapman, who plays Tracy's other bodyguard] had tough issues. A couple of years ago he had a kidney transplant, and the very next year Tracy had a kidney transplant. I remember going back to 30 Rock at the beginning of last year, and I was eating some takeout. Tina Fey came up to me and looked over my shoulder and said, "What are you eating, Dot Com? I have to make sure all my guys don't need to go out and get a kidney transplant." Luckily I was eating brown rice, grilled chicken, and salad. I don't want to have to be the third guy in need of a kidney.

HE WILL BALANCE THE TICKET WITH A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN:

Is there any actor you'd like to work with more as a good match for your character?

That's interesting. Jack McBrayer is dangerously funny. On paper they're just words, and once they come out of his mouth, he puts his finger on it and makes them hilarious.

HE BELIEVES IN FAMILY:

Anything you want to say?

I'm single! I'm trying to have a son. I have a daughter, a god-daughter, and guest-daughters on different projects I'm working on, but no sons. If there are any single ladies out there who'd like to help me have a son, I'd appreciate that.

Now that's a whole other article to find you the right lady.

I want to have my babies up front. I don't want to hide them and just when I'm close to becoming president...

Yeah, you don't want to do like John Edwards.

I'm trying to add another 5,000 Twitter followers. If I can become President of Twitter, that would be exciting. My website is UptownKevinBrown.com.

You didn't go for DotCom.com?

No, that's not available.

Maybe you can seize it when you're president.

 

Brendan McGinley couldn't get elected dogcatcher.