The 5 Other Absurd Candidates Challenging Deez Nuts for President

Tyrone Longdick 2016.
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Tyrone Longdick 2016.
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Has Deez Nuts spawned the rise of the Troll Candidate?

Protest candidates  have a long, colorful history in the U.S., but social media has given them unprecedented traction. The viral attention received by Deez Nuts — whose poll numbers remain freakishly impressive — has swelled the ranks of joke candidate filings to the Federal Election Commission.

A few years ago The American Prospect published a brief history of wacky candidate names up through the 2012 elections. They included long-standing favorites like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, but also told of a 1960 race for congress in Georgia where upstanding local gorilla Willie B. snagged 390 well-considered votes. There was even a write-in run by Pigasus J. Pig against Richard Nixon and Hubert Humphrey in the 1968 presidential contest. 

Slate reports the Center for Responsive Politics' Robert Maguire has been searching for further joke filings and he's discovered a YouTube comment section's worth of companions for Deez Nuts. Some of Maguire's findings, which he began tweeting early Monday:

Name: Dat Ass

Party: Independent

Platform: Dat Ass may be in the race angling to form a natural ticket with Deez Nuts when it's time for the general election, but at this time Dat Ass's platform remains a mystery.

Name:Butt Stuff

Party: Independent

Platform: It's unknown if Butt Stuff is part of the same up-and-coming political dynasty that spawned Dat Ass, but this candidate's platform is also unknown.

Name: Master Alexander Soy Sauce and Taters Gordh First

Party: Prohibition Party

Platform: Mr. Gordh First wrote what sounds like his platform in the field requesting the full name of his campaign committee, saying he represents "Concerned Americans for Peace, Prosperity, Happiness,  Alexander Gordh, Weaponized Ibuprofen, Southern Values,  and Liberal Amounts of Soy Sauce served with every meal as per tradition." Not punchy enough for a good sound bite, but it's easy to get behind universal soy sauce.

Name: Bofa Deez Nuts

Party: Independent

Platform: Unknown. It may be this candidate Nuts wants to present a more complete choice for voters who might be confused about which Nuts these are.

While Slate's searched also turned up other candidates like Buddy the Elf, and we found suspiciously-named ayy pepe lmao, who will run in 2024, but Maguire may have found Deez Nuts's most potent challenger:

Name: Tyrone Longdick

Party: Independent

Platform: We don't know Mr. Longdick's platform, but his campaign committee is, perhaps inevitably, "Somebodys wife."

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Anyone who wants to can file with the FEC today — the only requirements are that you be a native-born American, you're 35 years of age or older, you've lived in the US for 14 years, and you're and prepared to do battle with all the Nuts, Stuffs and Longdicks running against you.