Not a single one involves wearing a Super Mario t-shirt.
Successfully hitting on a stripper is serious business. You can’t take this lightly. Like setting up fireworks, if successful the end result will be a wonderful show of lights and sounds, but getting there can be deadly.
But how does one go about picking up a gorgeous gal in-between stuffing singles and watching a bouncer, who could crush walnuts in his nostrils, escort her off stage? Party Earth decided to find out, and sent an intern on what was undoubtedly the greatest homework assignment of his entire life.
We had him ask strippers at several clubs in LA what a man has to do to turn an exotic dancer into an exotic girlfriend. Forty-eight hours after he embarked on this quest he returned to us, bleary eyed, with a hastily scribbled notebook in hand.
Tip #1 Money Matters
Sorry gents, but just in case you didn’t already know, these ladies aren’t shaking it for charity. Sasha at 4Play in Los Angeles said she doesn’t date a guy unless he has “$5 million in the bank.” (Good luck with that, Sasha!) It’s hardly rocket science: Rich guys are destined to have better luck with women who dance naked for money. But hey, at least you have giant penis! You do have a giant penis, right?
Tip #2 Show Interest
Luckily, not every girl demands a Daddy Warbucks. But every one of them did demand a little one-on-one beforehand. You can’t just nervously wave from the back of the room. Step up and order a dance. As Stephanie of Jumbo’s Clown Room in LA put it so eloquently to our intern, “You have to buy a dance in order to have a chance!”
Tip #3 Don’t Be a Regular
Buying a dance is a must, but the operative term here is “a dance.” As in one or two. Don’t be the skeevy guy who shows up nightly and gets on a first name basis with most of the staff. Even a woman who flashes for tips thinks someone who’s that into strip clubs is friggin’ weird.
Tip #4 Keep It Simple, Pervert!
These girls are constantly hit on, and usually by guys who try too hard, or brag too much. None of these girls are looking for bells and whistles from their potential Don Juan’s. (After all, where would they put them?) They don’t have time for elaborate stories or to hear how pretty they are. In fact, the number one date idea we were told works like a charm came from Amber, another 4Play dancer, who said, “Just take me shopping.” However, as our intern pulled into a Wal-Mart, he discovered that the shopping destination matters. He did score a great set of lawn chairs for $18!
Tip #5 Know People
Don’t you dare come across like a friendless sad sack. The girls deal with enough desperate losers. Instead, be confident, and pretend you’re in the movie business. “In LA, a lot of the girls are wannabe actresses – name dropping never hurts.” said Brandy from 4Play. If you don’t know any celebrities, just wing it. Saying, “I’m friends with Orlando Bloom,” is a great lie because it’s difficult to debunk and even if you are caught you can just say, “Haha...like I’d ever be friends with Orlando fucking Bloom? That guy sucks. But I do know Jackie Chan.”
Tip #6 Timing is Everything
As Sasha from 4Play put it, “Find them when they’re horny.” And you can always tell a woman is horny if she begins her sentences with verbs. That’s just science.
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