Global Warming May Totally Ruin Your Sex Life

Mother Nature: Just one giant cock block.

There are lots of things out there that can put a damper on your sex drive. Women, for example, hate virgins and dudes who don’t smell good. But the latest threat to our planet’s collective libido has nothing to do with your moves in between the sheets.

A new study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research suggest that our planet’s rising temperatures are the biggest cock block of all. After pouring through fertility and climate data for the past 80 years, a team of scientists at the University of California-Santa Barbara, Tulane University,  and the University of Central Florida came to some sobering conclusions. When it’s above 80 degrees Fahrenheit, there’s a significant drop in birth rates between 8 to 10 months later. Which — stay with me here — means people weren’t boning when it’s too hot out. So much for warmer temperatures getting us hot and bothered.

While this data suggests that you won’t be getting it on as much if global temperatures keep rising, it’s also bad news for our planet’s population: “The lack of a full rebound suggests that increased temperatures due to climate change may reduce population growth rates in the coming century,” the paper explains. If we continue on this path, the U.S. could experience 107,000 fewer births per year, according to Bloomberg.

But don’t despair just yet. There could be an icy fix for this hot and heavy conundrum: your AC. The scientists conclude that short of a climate change miracle, we can pump up that freon to get our bodies cool enough to want to jump in the sack once more. Utilities bills be damned, I’ll be hiding out in my igloo if you need me.

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