Inside the Strip Club Haunted House of Your Nightmares

Get ready for the most confusing boner ever.
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Ali Drucker
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Get ready for the most confusing boner ever.

When you picture a typical trip to a strip club, you might think of absurdly high drink minimums, mandatory coat check fees, plastic heels, and sad men in sweatpants. And if you saw a girl with a flesh-eating infection across half of her face, you'd probably demand your money back and call a doctor immediately. But in Portland, Oregon, crowds of locals are paying for just that.

Step inside Portland's first-ever haunted house strip club. Housed in Chinatown's Spyce Gentleman's Club, a bevy of beautiful, bewildering zombie strippers await you — and they've come for your brains as well as your wallet. Created in conjunction with Spyce owner Matt Doss and DJ Dick Hennessey, this creepy collaboration took place in the upstairs area of the club, and featured gory girls gallivanting throughout the "house." And while it only ran on October 26th-29th, we're bringing you a sneak peak into this nightmarish wet dream.

The theme, quite fittingly for the Halloween occasion, was the Seven Deadly Strip Club Sins. They are as follows:

  • Thou shalt not film thy dancer
  • Thou shalt not steal from thy dancer
  • Thou shalt not whip thy junk out
  • Thou shalt not kiss thy dancer
  • Thou shalt not proposition thy dancer
  • Thou shalt tip thy dancer
  • Thou shalt not be a train wreck in the club

Fair points all around. In keeping with these themes, entertainers roamed around the club to great patrons, providing a much more intimate experience than a typical strip club. Since guests could only enter the haunted house in groups of four at a time, the opportunities for terror and turn-ons abound with lots of interaction. Audience and management seem thrilled with this unique approach to Halloween. "We had nothing but extremely positive feedback, and the only complaint we've heard was that it was so much fun they didn't want it to end," Doss told Maxim.

And the entertainers don't hate what it means for business, either. "The girls love it—it's brought in a lot of customers that don't normally come to strip clubs," he continued. Makes sense: your average strip club patron is probably not the same dude who wants a lap dance from a girl munching on a prosthetic limb, covered in fake blood. But what does it take to achieve this lucrative, gut-wrenchingly scary look? Spyce enlisted the help of Shashonna Knecht, a top makeup artist in Oregon. She begins working on the girls at 4pm, and isn't done until it's show time at 10pm, with extensive, gruesome detail given to each character.

Missed it this year? Don't let it haunt you. Doss offers up some hope for all those seeking an erotic exorcism: "We will absolutely bring this back next year. The tough part will be making it bigger and better."

Photos by http://www.hypnox.com/