Get Ready For 'Mind-Blowing' Robot Sex In The Very Near Future

“It's going to be an amazing new experience that no one has ever had before."
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“It's going to be an amazing new experience that no one has ever had before."
(Photo: RealDoll)

(Photo: RealDoll)

I don’t know why, but sex robots are an actual fad now. Even though scientists consistently warn us that sex robots are bad and will definitely end humanity and whatnot, we just don't give a fuck and keep wanting to have sex with their plastic, lifeless bodies. Good for us. Well done, world.

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Honorable mentions of insane sex robots include: the Scarlett Johansson sexbot, the $10,000 customizable Japanese sex dolls that you can literally milk like a cow, and of course, the $15,000 fuckable cyborgs that have warm naughty bits and possess the ability to sweat. Like, actually perspire. See how ‘lifelike’ sex robots are becoming? I mean, it’s kind of creepy. No--it’s very creepy.

"Let me please you, master."

"Let me please you, master."

And now, according to the Daily Mail, a sexbot "expert" believes that robot sex will be "mind blowing," and could even teach you to be better in bed. If you think that’s nonsense and that you’ll never learn anything from a robot, let us remind you that your computer and phone are both robots, and they teach us everything.

Anyway…just why is robot sex going to be mind blowing? Well, aside from the fact that sexbots are becoming increasingly realistic, Matt McMullen, CEO of RealDoll, a San Francisco-based sex doll manufacturer, recently launched a project to create a new generation of sex robots that will have customizable personalities, and can whisper sweet nothings to their owners, as well as entertain them with jokes and stuff.

"Why did the robot cross the road? To destroy humans! Haha...just kidding...."

"Why did the robot cross the road? To destroy humans! Haha...just kidding...."

Well, Jesus H. Christ. Just when you thought you could escape the emotional connection that comes with sleeping with actual human women, these silly engineers go ahead and make sex robots that can tell knock-knock jokes and passive-aggressively ask you who that bitch on Instagram is.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you ask Katherine4321 to suck your dick instead?"

"Oh yeah? Why don't you ask Katherine4321 to suck your dick instead?"

“It's going to be an amazing new experience that no one has ever had before,” McMullen said. “We're trying to create the desire to have sex beyond the physical. In order for people to find themselves attracted to the AI – she's really funny, she makes me laugh, she has the same interests as me.”

“To actually engage in a conversation with an AI in its own right is really cool,” he added, obviously forgetting that Siri and Cortana exist, and that we really don't need talking sex robots to make the world even more messed up than it already is.

And guess what? You can expect some "mind blowing" robo-kitty in your life within the next few years. Are you excited? Because I'm not! 

H/T: Daily Mail