5 Reasons Eliminating The Penny Would Suck

Yeah, we’re impressed we came up with 5, too.

On Friday, Barack Obama, during a Google+ Hangout (WELCOME TO THE FUTURE) said of the penny, “Anytime we’re spending money on something people don’t actually use, that’s an example of things we should probably change.” With federal sequestration about to hit federal spending (alternatively described as apocalyptic and meh) March 1, the penny – because the value of each coin is less than what it costs to mint – seems like an easy target to shave a few bucks off the budget. But we should not do this for many good reasons! Well…five stupid reasons, anyway. 

(1) You think store owners will casually ignore that you’re short a nickel? Of course not! Penny trays and overall apathy to any amounts less than 5 cents means Americans have been casually under-paying for goods for years.

YOU: “Oh, sorry. I seem to be short a few cents…”

SHOPKEEP: [A world-weary sigh indicating a rapidly fading desire to exist] “Fine. Just leave. Go. Now.”

YOU: [Exuberant gamboling at your good fortune]

Yeah, say goodbye to that scenario, buddy.

(2) Name one other coin that’s a cool orange color! You can’t.

(3) Do you really want to live in a world without 99 cents stores?

(4) What are teenagers going to throw off the roofs of really tall buildings in hopes that gravity will speed their projectiles to murderous velocities? Nickels? Psh, no way.

(5) Will no one think of the coin rolling industry?

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