Pornhub Wants to Make It Easier to Jerk Off Using Your Phone

They're trying to lend a hand when it matters most.
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Ali Drucker
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They're trying to lend a hand when it matters most.
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Not long ago, the intrepid reporters here at Maxim stumbled across this survey. Don't ask us how we found it, we just did. We swear, we're working all day long here. But it did get us thinking: what exactly is Pornhub planning to do with this data? Our task was instantly clear—get to the bottom of this gripping mystery.

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We reached out to Corey Price, Vice President of Pornhub, who happily provided the following information: "We intend to use the survey to help guide us in our UI [User Interface] decisions moving forward. With this specific question, we would like to know which hand people use to peruse Pornhub with so we can adjust the positioning of our buttons accordingly. The easier, the better, especially when it comes to mobile."

Aka, they want the buttons on the correct side of the phone for optimal jerking ease. So what were their findings so far? Turns out, the results are pretty mixed. 42% hold their phone in their left, 32% hold it in their right, and 26% switch it up. Assuming that those switch hitters are evenly split between lefties and righties, and given that lefties make up only 10% of the population, it seems like a lot of people are divided over whether they'd rather have their dominant hand holding their phone, or um, something else.

When pressed further about what's next now that they've dropped this masturbation bomb on the world, Price added, "We may run tests that allow users to choose whether the mobile UI is left or right optimized in the settings menu."

Imagine, if you can, a world with such infinite possibilities. Bless you, Pornhub.