Missionary gets an unfairly bad rap as a boring position, more or less dubbed the white bread of sex acts. But it’s the default for a reason—it’s got a lot going for it. And sure, we love being on top, but variety is the spice of life. So get into that kitchen and, uh, start having some sex.
Because sometimes, we all deserve to be lazy
We go to work every day. We may or may not have a job that necessitates wearing massively painful high heels, or a skirt that keeps riding up while we’re stuck in a cubicle. When we get home, after a day of fending off passive aggressive texts from our mothers about why we’re not married yet, we’re ready to let you do the heavy lifting. It’s the sex equivalent of taking a spa day, minus the facial, please.
You look damn good doing it
Missionary puts a guy in what is basically plank position. With your arm muscles tensed, we get an up-close look at your biceps all bulgy and whatnot, and we don’t hate the view.
It saves us the trouble of styling our hair
Just think of all the money we save on hair products and blowouts designed to give us that “perfect sexy bedhead.” In a move sure to anger Big Hair lobbyists, why not hold on to your cash, and just have sex instead?
It gives us more control than you think...
Missionary doesn’t have to be a snooze. If you’re creative, which of course you are, there are lots of variations on this sexy staple that can spice it up. And even though we’re on the bottom, we’re still holding the reins. Things like wrapping our legs around you and lifting our hips can change the angle of penetration and radically shake things up.
...But we like letting you think you’re in charge
Hey, tossing us around tends to get you all worked up, which in turn leads to better sex. Who are we to stand in the way of that?
It’s one of our most flattering angles
To quote the wise Chloe Sevigny in Boys Don’t Cry, “Nobody looks fat when they're layin' down.” We think you look beautiful no matter what position you’re in, but girl had a point.
We can let our minds go blank and just enjoy
Sure, you can get as involved as you want, but there’s also the option of laying back and embracing it. And you. We're not worrying about whether we need to speed up or slow down, or if our legs are about to cramp up. Starfish might have the right idea after all.
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