Europe's First Sex Doll Brothel Just Opened In Barcelona

"All our dolls, like all women, have an oral cavity, vaginal and anal."
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"All our dolls, like all women, have an oral cavity, vaginal and anal."
(Photo: Getty)

(Photo: Getty)

Last year, we told you that sex doll brothels might start popping up everywhere soon, and we were right. And it actually happened sooner than we thought, too.

Billed as “the first sex doll agency in Europe” Lumidolls just opened up a brand new sex doll brothel in Barcelona, Spain, where all you’ll find is the cold, lifeless embrace of silicone, and absolutely no human interaction at all. Very wholesome.

"Hey sexy."

"Hey sexy."

At the brothel, horny dudes can cough up $127 per hour to have a romantic rendezvous with the sex doll of their choice in a private room in a downtown Barcelona apartment. Beforehand, they can request special clothing for the sex doll to wear, and they can also request the doll to be in a certain position, perhaps doggy-style for easy access, or just standing there, staring at you with blank, beady eyes. 

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With the sex dolls, you can have normal P-in-V sex, you can give them oral (but it won't accomplish anything, since they are inanimate objects), and you can even do butt stuff with them. 

The Lumidolls website says: "All our dolls, like all women, have an oral cavity, vaginal and anal. Always remember that with any of your cavities you must use the lubricants that you will find in each of the rooms." 

On a side note, the use of the word "cavity" in that description made me cringe. Yuck.

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Anyway, for now, the brothel circulates four sex dolls between its customers: a busty European blonde that looks like a porn star named Katy, a tiny Asian named Lily, a dark-skinned doll named Leiza, and most notably, an anime sex doll named Aki, who has blue hair and pigtails.

Now, if you’re like me, you’re probably thinking, “Only four sex dolls? That sounds unsanitary.” Well, the website promises the dolls are disinfected after each use, but I don’t think you can decontaminate a life-size mass of silicone with a mouth, a vagina, and a butt cavity enough for another man to stick his dick in. 

Plus, clients are asked to use condoms, but I can assure you that not everyone is going to use a condom with a sex doll that cannot get pregnant. This, my friends, is the 2017 way of spreading STDs. 

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If ever you find yourself in the Barcelona area and you'd really rather not meet a human woman to have sex with, by all means, make an appointment to bang one of the sex dolls at Lumidolls. Here's the link to do it. 

Well, there you have it. There is literally a whorehouse in Barcelona where men can go hook up with an inanimate object. Good job, world.