Reboot Your Life: Travel
Mancations. Or “man vacations.” Okay, it sounds weird. sorry.
Beach vacations can be awesome. But if you want something more memorable—and photos that aren’t you writing “dick” on your buddy’s back with sunblock—try the following destinations. We promise you won’t regret it! (Maxim and its subsidiaries in no way guarantee that you won’t regret any of these trips.)
SPRING
Where should I go?
Colorado.
Seriously?
Seriously. But bring some aspirin.
So what do I do there?
Go on a brewery tour! There are more than 100 breweries in Colorado, and provided you and your buddies can work out a system for choosing a designated driver (“The sober guy drives” is a good bet), there’s no reason not to drink every one of them dry. Try starting in Fort Collins, where you’ll find the likes of the New Belgium Brewing Company, then head down through the brewery-heavy tag team of Boulder and Denver (Denver’s Great Divide is a Maxim favorite), then gradually head southwest to finish the trip in Durango, home to Steamworks, Carver, and many more.
So why go in spring?
If you feel like some cheap skiing, now’s the time, since a local contest between Loveland, Arapahoe Basin, and others to see which resort can remain open the longest normally results in some huge discounts in both room rates and lift passes. It’s also the least crowded time
of year, which means fewer cars on the roads and shorter lines at the bars.
SUMMER
Where should I go?
Tanzania.
Seriously?
You betcha! Africa might not seem like the first choice for a manly vacation, but trust us, it’s so rugged it’ll make your beard grow stubble.
So what do I do there?
A whole shedful of awesomeness is what. Start with a safari through Serengeti, home to all the big guys (lions, elephants, etc.) and thousands of other wild animals you can’t even name (or pronounce). Follow this up with a trek through the neighboring Ngorongoro Crater on the way to Mount Kilimanjaro, an iconic mountain that, while possible for a beginner to climb, will still feel like a serious achievement at the 19,321-foot summit. Finish up with a 25-mile boat
trip to Zanzibar, a small tropical island surrounded by some of the most beautiful beaches on Earth.
So why go in summer?
As well as being the dry season (monsoons and safaris mix like Tiger Woods and Vicodin), summer is the time you’re most likely to see all the enormous, toothy animals you can later claim to have fought and bested in single combat.
FALL
Where should I go?
Cairns, Australia
Seriously?
Yeah! It’s not all venomous insects and snakes in Oz (a lot of the fish are venomous, too).
So what do I do there?
You, friend, go on the road trip of a lifetime. The Savannah Way, joining Cairns in Tropical North Queensland to the west coast town of Broome, is 2,300 miles of hard-driving 4WD heaven, taking you through 15 national parks, world-renowned fishing spots like Borroloola and the Sir Edward Pellew Islands, and sweltering outback trails. You’ll also traverse a whole load of rivers and gorges while generally being more manly than a gorilla wearing Tom Selleck’s chest hair as a mustache.
So why go in fall?
As with Tanzania, the dry season is the time to go. It’s a pretty remote route in places, and you don’t want your car to sink into three feet of mud while waiting two weeks for someone to drive past and tow you out.
WINTER
Where should I go?
Greenland
Seriously?
Just kidding! Actually, we’re not. We really are suggesting Greenland. Stick with us; we’ll explain. We’ve steered you right so far, haven’t we?
So what do I do there?
You will enjoy the spectacular aurora borealis, also known as the northern lights. Huge, surreal, multicolored light storms caused by electrically charged solar particles dropping into Earth’s atmosphere with the frequency of rufies into cocktails at a pro athlete’s birthday party, these will blow your fricking mind. Just tilt your head back and gasp as the sky turns every
neon shade of green and yellow going, swirling around your head like a, well, a big swirly thing. It’s like every single day of Steven Tyler’s life in the ’70s!
So why go in winter?
Because the best time to see it, funnily enough, is when the sky is very dark, which, generally speaking, is in the winter. If you go in summer, it’s daylight almost 24 hours a day, which means you’re in Greenland for no reason whatsoever. This is not a good thing.
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