User menu

Main menu

Maxim Offers Sean Avery A Job

According to New York Rangers head coach Jon Tortorella, the team didn’t need Sean Avery this year, and cut him this week. Well, the Rangers may not want him, but Maxim does! As the NHL’s premier agitator, Avery has spent most of his career pissing off the opposing team’s best player and insulting opponents, members of the media and former girlfriends alike. Since these are exactly the qualities we enjoy in a colleague (along with strong calves and an appreciation for close harmony a cappella), we're extending the sweaty hand of employment his way. 

Since 29 other NHL teams found no use for Avery’s brutish skill-set, maybe it's time he tried his hand at being a Maxim editor. It's not like he hasn't got the experience - in the Summer of 2008, Avery interned in the fashion department at Vogue magazine and by June 2008 was serving as guest-editor of None of which has any bearing on working here, of course, but he owns a bar (Warren 77), uses foul language and likes to fight to make his point, so it's not like he wouldn't fit in (so long as he fights according to the Maxim Rules: Fish hooking and hair pulling allowed, no frontal wedgies and first one to cry loses). 

Avery is expected to start the season with The Connecticut Whale (of the American Hockey League), which is where you go after you’re placed on waivers and go unclaimed. We're happy to offer him a position here, which is where you go after you wake up in Central Park with no memory of the previous week, a stolen ID and two pigeons eating melted cheese out of your hair. Sean - call us?