13 Going on 30

In a devastating career move that would baffle even Sandra Bullock’s agent, Jennifer Garner trades her TV superspy post for what appears to be that of a head trauma victim in the Vice Versa retread 13 Going on 30. The magic begins when 13-year-old Jenna Rink makes a birthday wish to be 30, then magically awakens the next morning in a really hot body (Garner). The comedic catch? She has no idea how she got there. Turns out, grown-up Jenna is a raging bitch magazine editor, but her new teenage attitude reinvigorates everyone at the office. Isn’t that sweet? Along the way, she also rekindles a relationship with her childhood buddy (Mark Ruffalo)—isn’t bagging a 13-year-old sweet?—who she evidently ditched on the way to success. From there, misunderstandings beget a series of gags that beg for canned laughter until we contemplate reaching for our standard-issue cyanide capsules. Never before has aging 17 years taken so long.