Yeah, these movies all seem innocent, but we know all too well that they are pretty horrifying. Let us explain...
Edward Scissorhands: Bye, Bye Inventor
Um, hello? Arguably the most bone-chilling Tim Burton moment ever, Vincent Price's death in Edward Scissorhands made us creeped out and sad for a bagillion reasons. Starting with, what happened to his body? Did it disintegrate over many, many years until the Avon lady found Eddie? Or did Edward hack him up and nourish the lawn with it? Nevermind, we just answered that ourselves. Secondly, why did Edward think it was a good idea to cut the inventor's cheek? It was gross and made our faces hurt forever.
Home Alone 2: Cab Ride
It's a classic. Young Kevin grabs a cab and a terrifying man with cataracts is in the driver's seat!!!!! We still haven't ridden in a cab, ever. And have you seen what this experience did to sweet, innocent not-at-all-weird-or-crazy Macaulay Culkin?!
A Christmas Story: Bully Scut Farcus
The music. The eyes. The freckles. The laugh. The red hair. It's all still a terrible, terrible ginger nightmare, even if it is just a quirky, narrated, American holiday tale from the 1960s.
Batman Returns: Penguins' Death
Another Tim Burton... duh. This movie is full of Christmas joy but ends with the nasty deaths of some of our favorite stars! The best is obviously the green sewage-y ooze death of Danny DeVito's Penguin. His weird body gives us the heebie jeebies, his penguin pallbearers make us depressed (and we usually love penguins!), and his deformed butt makes us rethink our ban on squats.
Gremlins: Gruesome Christmas Story
Aaaaaah!!!! Wasn't this movie supposed to be about cute but crazy, cuddly critters?!? Guess not. Young hottie Phoebe Cates tells us the story of how she knew there was no Santa Claus... because she found her dead dad's body in a Santa suit. Shit, girl, that's some deep stuff.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas: Shaving
Ouch. We never thought shaving was so traumatic, dark, and scary until this scene... which is why we never shave, ever. Why did those kids have to be so mean to him? And also why was his skin so rough and difficult to shave? And green? Thanks for nothing, Dr. Seuss.
Happy holidays, y'all. We won't be getting much sleep tonight after watching these creepshows.
Check out Interview: Icon Sir Ian McKellan and 5 Elves You Won't Find In Santa's Workshop This Christmas.