Every so often, an actor you've written off entirely surprises you with a sudden bolt of coolness. Then there are those chumps who need to make with the redeeming ASAP. By Eric Alt
Kim Basinger- Redeemed Herself With: L.A. Confidential
For a while there, she seemed content to coast on being hot and frequently naked, which is fine. Then she took a role as a troubled prostitute in L.A. Confidential that required her to be hot and…act? Kimmo held her own against Russell Crowe (snicker) and has us believing there was more to her than a pretty face and salivation-worthy body.
Take the Hint: Tara Reid. Given the damage you've done to your body, there's no "hottie" coasting for you anymore. Just say "no," re-attach your dangling plastic parts, and prove you can act beyond "vaguely annoyed/bored/sleeping blonde."
Mickey Rourke- Redeemed Himself With: Sin City/The Wrestler
Mick went from '80s heartthrob to something resembling a tranny in a Kabuki mask made of roast beef and fear. Naturally, he fell on lean times. Then he put his busted mug and bull-put-out-to-pasture demeanor to good use, first in Sin City (was that make-up? Who could tell?) and most recently The Wrestler. What's that? No, we were not crying at the end of The Wrestler. We had a piece of bone in our eye from the last guy we beat up. For real. Shut up!
Take the Hint: Charlie Sheen. Two and a Half Men? And not a single nutsack between you? Sheen needs to accept his rapidly aging features and find a role that requires more than learing at actresses 30 years his junior. Besides, doesn't he do enough of that on weekends?
John Travolta- Redeemed Himself With: Pulp Fiction
You've all heard the story—Quentin Tarantino plucks Travolta from the Look Who's Talking career mangler, gives him a plum role as a heroin-shooting hitman, and single-handedly brings the '70s' favorite son back into the world. We won't linger on the systematic dismantling of this status Travolta has worked so hard at since, because this was one of the best rising-from-the-grave acts we've ever seen.
Take the Hint: Nicolas Cage. Nic, repeat after us: "I am not an action hero." Whoever told you that you should be diving from explosions and shoulder-rolling off of moving cars is the same person who's been telling you, "No, your hair looks great!" You were one of film's great freaks—get back to being the oddball you were in Raising Arizona or Vampire's Kiss.
Luke Perry- Redeemed Himself With: Oz
Another 90210 alum, another career forecast seemingly destined to include boat shows and reality TV. Then someone had the brilliant idea to cast the former scowling, 35-year-old high school senior as a doomed preacher in America's rapingest prison. Perry gained instant cred, and that forecast brightened up. It's now only partly sucky, with a chance of more cool work.
Take the Hint: Mike Myers. Perry undid years of uncoolness with one single good career move. You, on the other hand, undid years of hilarity with a single ungodly crime against humanity called The Love Guru. It's time to take stock. You tried drama before (54, anyone? No?), so maybe you need to pull a Bill Murray and find those quirky, slightly comedic films he's been rocking lately.
Rob Lowe- Redeemed Himself With: Tommy Boy
Was well on his way to swapping war stories with Richard Grieco at an airport strip club when he surprised us with some decent comic chops. Just like that, he reinvented himself as a whole new character type: The straight man who also gets to be funny. You broke new ground, and saved your career in the process.
Take the Hint: Chevy Chase. Whether loveable schmuck or arrogant douchebag, there was a time when Chevy could do no wrong. Then he found being a real life fuckface was more fun than playing one, and his career has done a tailspin ever since. Now that we can't separate the jerk you are from the jerk you play, you need to find another outlet. Something… gritty? Why not? Beats the hell out of Snow Day 2.
Sylvester Stallone- Redeemed Himself With: Rocky Balboa
Just when he appeared down for the count… he threw an arm over the ropes and dragged his sorry ass off the mat, returning to the mean streets of Philly that birthed his greatest character. Suddenly, the idea of Stallone in the ring again made sense—which made the idea of "Aging Rambo in Burma" suddenly sensible, too. Before you knew it, we were partying like it was 1982.
Take the Hint: Arnold Schwarzenegger. You can go home again! After this ridiculous political career is done with, don't be afraid to dust off some of your iconic roles and take them on a little spin (coughKINGCONANcough). We'll remember that we liked you when you spoke very little, killed very much, and didn't incurred the wrath of civil servants and unionized labor.
Brian Austin Green- Redeemed Himself With: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Beverly Hills 90210 douchejoke appeared a lost cause: the fledgling, David Faustino-esque music career, a couple of failed sitcoms—hell, the only thing going right was his inexplicable seduction of a then-unknown Megan Fox (this guy should play the stock market). Then, out of nowhere, he snagged a role on this incredibly cool, gritty Terminator tie-in and presto—no more ass clown.
Take the Hint: Dan Aykroyd. Like Green, he was on top of the world and cashed it in to nail someone way out of his league (Donna Dixon). Unlike Green, he has yet to do something unexpected to recover his lost glory. Like, play something other than a moron dad in a shitty comedy.
Danny DeVito- Redeemed Himself With: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
We never actually disdained DeVito, but the pint-sized goof's resume over the past few decades never telegraphed a willingness to hilariously debase himself like he does on It's Always Sunny. It's a gutsy move, and we love him for it. Toss those family-friendly comedies aside and do a show that focuses entire episodes on people shitting in beds? Well played, sir.
Take the Hint: Eddie Murphy. It's time to drop the "lovable family funny man" schtick (which is so phony we can read it on your face) and get nasty. Find a role that taps into that old sewer mouth and we'll be first in line (to illegally download it).
Bronson Pinchot- Redeemed Himself With: True Romance
Ever wonder why the sitcom as a genre died? Go back and watch a few episodes of Perfect Strangers. The poor man's Borat act of Pinchot's wears thin before the opening credits end, so we were all set to toss him into the landfill alongside Yakov Smirnoff and Jacko, the Energizer guy. Then he played a coke-snorting, possibly-dick-sucking failed actor in True Romance. He's been the man ever since.
Take the Hint: Martin Lawrence. No, Bad Boys and Bad Boys II do not count. Redefine your game! You've done "goofy sidekick" in movies (and "volatile sociopath" in real life), so you need to change our entire perception of you and do something left-field. Maybe give Tarantino a call…