Alpha Dog

This dog don't hunt…or entertain. Aside from some nice gratuitous nudity and a few cool fight scenes, this is just a mess of topless fake-tattooed punks annoying us for two hours. Inspired by true events, it's about a small-time California drug dealer who gets in over his head by kidnapping some dude's younger brother. The situation eventually spirals out of control, and there are supposed to be some tough life lessons learned. Instead, we didn't know whether this wanted to be an action film, a fake documentary, a teenage party romp, or an after-school special. Plus, we just can't buy Justin Timberlake as a tough guy. That voice and bony frame is less intimidating than a stuffed poodle. Even the extras are a letdown by not detailing the real story of Jesse James Hollywood, which is probably more compelling than a bunch of hipsters partying hard and making dumb-ass decisions.