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Are Bald Villains Still Scary with '80s Hair Band Hair?

From Dr. Evil to Lord Voldemort, Maxim investigates.


Dr. Evil - Austin Powers


Photo: New Line Cinema / art by John Sciarrino

Not so scary. In fact, this is actually a pretty good look for Dr. Evil, although to be fair, he was never very scary to begin with. Mr. Bigglesworth is a whole other story.


Mickey Knox - Natural Born Killers


Photo: Warner Bros. Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

Have you ever wondered what John Lennon would look like if he'd lived long enough to star in a Quentin Tarantino movie? Well, wonder no more. If only Mickey had really gone with this look; then he and Mallory would have been the best looking couple on the killing spree circuit.


Lord Voldemort - Harry Potter


Photo: Warner Bros. Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

Still pretty scary. The hair, though hilarious, does nothing to detract from whatever unspeakably horrifying thing is happening with his face.


Bane - Dark Night Rises


Photo: Warner Bros. Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

We're not even sure what is happening here. Is that an Indian headdress? Either way, Bane is still scary, though maybe that's because we can't think of him without also hearing that haunting voice (which we're still not convinced is that of British actor Tom Hardy, the same guy who starred in This Means War with Reese Witherspoon.)


Lex Luthor - Superman


Photo: Warner Bros. Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

Kevin Spacey proves that hair has nothing to do with it. He's still scary if he wants to be.
 

Ming the Merciless - Flash Gordon


Photo: Universal Studios / art by John Sciarrino

Never mind whether the character of Ming the Merciless (played by Max von Sydow) is mildly racist. The important thing is that '80s hair makes him look absolutely ridiculous, and even Flash Gordon would have had a tough time keeping a straight face if Ming really looked like this.


Obadiah Stane - Iron Man


Photo: Paramount Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

This picture just makes it look like Jeff Lewbowski got really, really stoned and is having a hallucination in which John Goodman has turned into a robot. Not scary.


Cyrus 'The Virus' Grissom - Con Air


Photo: Touchstone Pictures / art by John Sciarrino

Fun fact: John Malkovich actually prefers to wear his hair this way in private. At least, it's easy to imagine that's true. Either way, anyone with the middle name "Virus" is terrifying regardless of hairstyle.


John Doe - Se7en


Photo: New Line Cinema / art by John Sciarrino

Again, Kevin Spacey scares the ever-loving shit out of us, '80s hair or no, but if his character in Se7en had looked like this, it might have been a little less jarring to see Gwyneth Paltrow's severed head in a FedEx box.

 

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